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-Ready?
I took a deep breath before answering. I didn't know if I was, if I ever would. For a moment, I thought of wiping the whole thing out and just go away, with Sue and with May if she wanted to. But I also wanted to know. Know how my mother had been able to do what she did to us. Know something about my father. Know my younger brother and sister.
Edith came by my side, and offered me a cigarette.
-We have time to smoke one, if you want.
-How is she?
-Well, May looks much like her when she was younger. Come, I'll show you some pictures..
-No, no...I mean, has she ever...?
-Talked about you two? I don't remember it that well, I was just five when all this happened, and after the wedding, when she tried to follow your trace, she and Larry, her husband, moved to Nebraska, so I didn't see her that much. But I remember ir vaguely...every Christmas, when they came home, she used to talk about you. And always wore a locket with two pictures in it, of you and May. Give her a chance, Andy. Let her talk to you...it's what the three of you need.
-They're here.
May and Mary were by the door. As much as I know her, I couldn't guess May's feelings in that moment. She looked excited and happy, but also had a hint of doubt in her eyes. Much like me, probably. I got up and the four of us went out of the room.
We heard some voices coming from the garden. A woman and two kids...I felt my legs shaking as leaves.
When she heard us coming, the woman...our mother...turned to us. She was smoking, and her trembling hands showed clearly how nervous she was. She looked at us, first with an infinite sadness and then, suddenly, with relief, and began to cry.
-My kids...I have longed so very, very much for you...Tyler and Patricia
May went to hold her, and both of them stayed hugged for a long while. I could hear my mother crying desperately, but still didn't react. I couldn't accept she had left me the way she did.
-Tyler..I ..I'm so sorry. There are so many things I have to tell you..
I finally relented and went to hold her. And for the firs time since I remembered, I felt a mother's warmth. And yes, I cried too. For all the lost years without her, for my time at the orphanage first and then with the Stevens...and for a scared three year old kid.
-How could you?
She let me go and looked at me, with red, swollen eyes. And the hand shaking went back. She took a cigarette out of her purse and lit it.
-You're right, I can't delay much more telling you why I did...what I did. But before that, I want you two to know it was the hardest thing I've ever done, and regretted it every single day of my life.
The three of us sat on a bench, with our mother, holding my hand and May's, in the middle.
-Don't know where to start, really. Your father and me had grown together, he was our neighbour, and since we were fifteen or so, we were always together. Both his family and mine were friends, so our engagement was just a matter of time. But then, Tyler... yeah, you're named after him...well, he was drafted to fight in World War two. Some days before he left, we finally made love, and with time I found out I was pregnant. I trusted him, but people started talking about me in Billings, so your grandmother and me went away, to a country house, for all my pregnancy. Then, when we came back, with you as a newborn, we pretended your grandmother was the real mother. I should have been more brave and face the truth, but...I was just twenty and was scared. Time passed by, and when Tyler came back on a leave, I told him about our son. If this helps you, he was really thrilled and happy with being a father. He would have been, if...
She stopped for a moment, and cleaned the tears coming from her eyes. I was listening in silence, trying hard to fight my own tears.
- We made plans to get married as soon as he were back from war. And yes, we made love again... But when I was three or four months, I got the news Tyler had been killed. I went crazy..and just didn't know what to do.. So, I decided to go to the country, again. This time, however, I had to go on my own, since my mother had already died. I didn't know what to do. I felt scared, lost and lonely, but knew for sure I could never have an abortion. The only chance I had left, was giving you two in adoption, and ask you to be adopted together. So, when you, Patricia, were three months, I had someone taken you to the orphanage. By that time, I had already met my husband, Frank, and was too ashamed of myself as to tell him the truth. He was from Helena, so he didn't know my story. However, a month after our wedding, I got the nerve to tell him. He was shocked, but not the way I would have imagined...he just held me and told me we would go looking for you two, and he would adopt you. But you know...when we went to the orphanage, we were told you had already been adopted. I stayed in shock, dreading the idea of not seeing you ever again, but at least I knew you would be together..and I prayed you had a caring family to look for you.
I got up from the bench and walked away, on my own. Then, finally, I started sobbing.
