Social Media// brycehall

THIRTY THREE

What's going on you guys. If you don't already know it's your girl Madi. I know it's been a few months since I did a Madi Monday, and I'm sorry for that. Let me start by saying that if you came to this video to see me talk about Bryce and put him down, then you should just click off now. This video is about pain, not anger.

I've been dealing with this whole situation for a few months now and I've realized that there are sort of two sides to the whole thing. The first being the side that when you're around people and you pretend like nothing is wrong. You just act like you have everything together by smiling and laughing when in reality it's just a miracle you're out of bed. The second is the side where you feel like you're all alone and you feel like it can't get better. You don't understand why this happened to you, and why you're going through it alone. You wish you had someone there. Some days I would go on Twitter or Instagram whatever it was and look at your comments trying to make myself happy, but instead of smiling I would just end up being even more upset. I see all the comments of people that are going through the exact same thing, and then I would see all the comment where people were laughing, saying that it was stupid and fake. Sometimes they would even call it romantic..

and for all those people I have a little something to tell you about heartbreak. Heartbreak isn't beautiful. It isn't poetry, its not staying up until 4 in the morning listening to sad songs. Its breaking down in the middle of a busy street because you pass the coffee shop you went to for breakfast every morning. It's seeing their face in every face you pass by. It's feeling okay for weeks at a time and then all of sudden you're on the bathroom flooring crying because you feel the ghost of their lips on your neck. Or the feeling of their hand in yours. and then you cant breathe because you're choking on the memories. Its waking up from dreams of them coming back and then screaming in the middle of the night because your chest aches from realizing they aren't there. Stop romanticizing pain. Stop using people like they are objects. A persons heart isn't some cigarette-- you cant just light it up and then stomp it out when you're finished. Don't act like anything about heartbreak is beautiful, because I wouldn't wish that on even my worst enemy.

And for those of you that are going through the same thing I am. I know you hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong person that doesn't let this get to you. But I also know that there are days when you wish someone would. You wish that at least one person would see how broken you are. I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many people in this world feeling exactly what you're feeling and that's okay. It is okay to cry. Its okay to slide down a random wall at three in the morning screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with you head in your knees and tears flowing out of your eyes then do it. heartbreak sucks, and it's painful. You deserve that. And one day without even realizing it. It will hit you. You'll be sitting in the car thinking about who you were last week and the week before until you get to ten years ago. It will hit you when you're in the kitchen and you will see how green the grass is and you'll see that this is your life. This is your life and you aren't the person that you were. You aren't on the bedroom floor screaming for the pain to go away. You aren't staring into the mirror asking what you did wrong. You aren't holding your stomach doing everything you can to muffle the sobs. Instead, you're trying to figure out what pillows match your couch, because this is your life. You made it.

You guys are so strong and I am so proud to be able to sit in front of this camera and maybe help some of you. Thank you for your constant support and love. Just remember that you're alive.. and that's the hardest thing to be. I am proud of you. Always.