Hi. I'm Jas, and in case you didn't know, I am autistic. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm writing this book just so I can jot some of my thoughts down, and so you can see what it's really like to be autistic, well, for me at least. My best friend mad...
My dad died peacefully in his sleep last night. He never got to eat the chocolates and cherries I gave him. He appreciated the thought though. It snowed 3 times in a row for him, so he got his wish to see the snow 3 times. I'm still at peace and I'm still gonna be ok, but I cried a lot for the past two days, while he was still alive, because I'm gonna miss him. I'm unsure as to why I'm not crying now (it makes me feel like I'm not human), but I don't think I'll be active for awhile, save for the occasional reply to a roleplay. I do have a picture from my childhood that I wish to show you. It has my dad in it.
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This is my dad and I spending time at the lake, my dad always said the branch in the picture was connecting our brains. I say it was connecting us. Dad's death is gonna be really hard on me because of, well, that should be obvious based off my past entries, I honestly had to resist a minor urge to hurt myself, but it's not the end. It's only the beginning and I'm gonna be ok. I'm gonna defeat my Scar and become Queen of Pride Rock.
I'm gonna do what he did and make the world, and the universe for that matter, a better place just like my dad because, as I've stated before, I care for our earth, for each and every one of you, for the plants and animals, for the water and the dirt and the rocks. I care for whole universe and everything in the universe, for the galaxies, for the planets, the stars, the comets, for meteors, and for the asteroids. I don't just want to make the world a better place, I want to make the entire universe a better place because and I feel that you, and everyone and everything, in this universe deserve to be happy. My dad felt the same way, and I feel this way because of him.
My love for him is an eternal flame that will never go out, even after our flames do. Dad's flame went out last night, but the flame of our love never did. Speaking of love, my dad loved Disney's The Little Mermaid, just like me. Kiss the girl was his favorite song in the whole movie. If you listen, I think you'll see why.
Well? What'd ya think? My favorite part was Scuttle singing off-key just for the sake of comic relief. Dad loved the look Ariel gave Eric before they kissed and the whole song in general.
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All I have to say now is that he's still with us. I can feel it. He's not truly gone. I don't know how to describe it, but my body feels heavier, like I'm giving him a piggy-back ride. I know he's here, just not physically. If he wasn't, I'd feel lighter, you know? I still love my dad and I'm sorry we didn't get more time together, but the time we had was wonderful. The good part about all this is that my dad died peacefully in his sleep, he wasn't in any pain. The hospice nurse did her job, just like she promised she would.
Dad, I love you more than anything in this life. Know that.
I'm still gonna talk to my dad like he's here when I feel his presence, so if you don't like that, then take a hike.
I still remember all the fun times you and I had together since day 1, well, maybe not day 1, but still. I remember quite a lot. I remember all our trips up north and all the D&D adventures we had. Let's go have a new one together.
