The Metamorphosis Diaries

Chapter 30 - Still In Chrysalis: The First End

Chapter 30

"Who the fuck would video tape it?"

As Mondays do, everyone knew.

Monday was the catchup day for whatever drama happened over the weekend. Today, I was the topic of discussion. More specifically, my Friday night.

"I don't know. Did you see anyone you recognized around?" Selena asked.

"No, I didn't! I don't know, my focus was tunnel visioned. Get through it without fucking up too bad and get out, you know?"

I needed to call Mackie ASAP and let her in. I was surprised to see that she had called me first. Four times, in fact. I called her back and she answered after half a ring.

"You're all over my school!"

"Fuck," I mumbled. "How could things have spread across town? It's been up for what, two days?"

"Virvanna, you're like famous now! You gotta capitalize off this now!" Obviously, Mackie was not seeing the effects of the situation.

"Mackie," I put her on speakerphone so Selena could interject on the conversation, "Darren was probably the first to see this. You know, being his ex girlfriend and all."

"Things go up on the internet all the time. Someone spread this. And look, the poster account is Cocoa Slam, but this is the only video on the whole page. There was intent here..." Selena said.

"Shit. So someone is after me then?"

"It looks that way."

But for some reason, I wasn't worried. I knew I'd probably be living for the attention for today, and by tomorrow no one will care anymore. "Listen, I've never been shit in this school, not until Darren came back into my life. People are more interested in the fact that its about someone, not the fact that I wrote it."

"Yeah, I guess..."

As the day went on, no one came up to me or tried to start some sort of confrontation. It was mostly just stares, some awkward smiles, or a few sudden silences as I walked by.

That was the thing about St. Aug's kids; they were non confrontational. This school was a generator for bystanders; everything that happened was a 'you' problem, an 'out there' problem. Even as we fundraised for less fortunate families, it was always 'poor them, give us a medal for noticing'. Did they not realize that there were broken down houses in the county too? Kids in single parent homes who have to feed their siblings and don't have anyone to help them with their homework because their mom works three jobs?

In this case, did they not realize that I was in their halls, in their classes, slaving away over this poem as they called me the quiet kid in class? Didn't they get that this could have been about any one of them, that I wrote it because of every single of one of them, but that still, it wasn't FOR a single one of them? In this case, I was the 'you problem', and recognition in gigabytes was the medal.

I walked into my first period class, and was predictably the topic of conversation at most tables. As peopled rushed themselves I had assumed the teacher had walked in behind me, but she was already over at her desk and occupied with something on her buzzing desktop computer. I felt like the silencer on a bullet. No, I was the bullet. The loud, sudden sound that signalled that danger was approaching— that danger was here— and people should take cover.

"Selena..." I begged for my best friend to be at my side.

"I'm here, I'm here. Just ignore it all. Go on your phone and pretend to be busy."