The Metamorphosis Diaries

Chapter 19 - I Only Come For Elora At This Point

CHAPTER 19

I needed to get to know myself better. Lately I had felt like the decisions I was making were out of character for me. For example: Darren. FUCKING. Greg.

Everywhere I went, he was in my head. The Virvanna I had worked so hard to become was letting the Virvanna I once was slip through the cracks. Once in a while, I saw myself peaking at a bedazzled belt at the mall, almost actually wanting to put it on. Sometimes I missed him, and wanted the time I spent getting ready in the morning to be for him... Or someone.

Feeling special to myself was always a given. I had concurred loving myself, and confidence was the first word people used to describe me. But at this point... After finally being special to someone else... I missed the lack of effort it took. To not have to love myself enough for another person and I is a huge change. Now I'm emptier than usual, and I think that proves that I never really loved myself in the first place.

Dear Diary, it's Tuesday now. Dance Comp was in a week, and it was crunch time for this choreography. I couldn't get anyone to focus. No one knew the break down, and the strongest dancers were the most unfocused listeners.

"Alright group one, break. Group two!" I yelled off stage. "Your turn," I waved them onto the stage for their rehearsal. As usual, Elora Mulligan was first on stage, prepped and ready. She was one of the nicest girls I knew, and the most underrated-ly beautiful. We didn't talk as often as I wished, though I confided in her when I could. She was sweet. She had her own squad, as tight knit as Arden, Ivan, and Mackie were to me. They were all like her; pretty, kind, overachievers... but she had this spark in her.

"Hey, Virv, can we go over last week?" she called out to me.

I couldn't help but smile. At my 'yes', childlike joy filled her eyes.

I knew that well. There was no unknowing that kind of feeling.

"Come on, do it again," I ordered. But my dancers were already caught up in conversation. I couldn't possibly think of what was more important at this point than winning our competition, so as I went to restart the music I listened in.

"Blah blah new kid... blah blah blind... blah blah hot as shit... blah blah super smart... blah blah I talked to him... blah blah he goes out for lunch..." Darcy, one of our lead dancers, led the conversation. If only she could lead the team just as well...

The fact that they spoke about Argus made me nervous. Not in a jealous way, but because I was terrified he'd become the next school heartthrob. That shit changes people, no matter how badly they don't want it to. I'd know.

I tried not to think about him too much. With that kiss playing in the back of my mind 24/7, it was hard to accept that it was the last one I'll get.

"Let's run the new part. Five, six, seven, eight..." I watched as they scattered to remember the choreography. A few did well, Darcy and Elora included, but most just laughed as they messed up move after move. In the beginning it would be fine, but now their laughs meant something else. It meant they took it as a joke.

"Guys, guys, do it again. Try to be serious this time." I received some annoyed sighs, but I didn't care. I dropped so much for this team, and I wasn't about to let some ungrateful teenagers ruin what I work hard for.

Everything I was made of counted on being Dance Captain next year. It was all I could eat, talk, dream about, and it was almost mine... Unless I lost it to Darcy.

With music, we ran the dance a few more times. At some point, Argus had come in and sat. I knew he wasn't there to watch, not because he's blind, because of the thick, large book he took out and began to... scan... once he sat down.

The whole focus of the team had switched. What could I expect when a gorgeous god of a man walks in the room?

"You guys are free to go, we'll clean it next week," I announced. I decided not to pick a fight with the hormones of teen girls.

As I collected my stuff from the cafetorium tables, I watched him bask in the glory of girls fawning over him. Darcy said something, he laughed. Even Elora was chatting him up. I'd be okay if he loved her. How could he not?

I hoped he would see me. I knew he was blind, but I still hoped. I hoped he recognized my voice yelling at the girls to push through the choreography. I hoped he'd somehow catch my scent as I walked by and called out for me. I realized I was just staring at him with my bags totally packed and decided that walking away was a better option.

Outside the school I sent a text to Nikki.

Your brother is having the time of his life right now.

I'll pick you up in ten, let's get your mind off that dumbass she texted back.

This is what I need. More girl time, less boys.

Nikki picked me up in her cargo Kia (dream car as fuck), dressed in her usual jean jacket and tinted rims. "Where we heading?" she asked.

"Anywhere," I answered. She started up the car and headed into town.

My phone buzzed in my hand about five minutes into the ride. Hardon sent you a text message. It was Arden.

"Who's blowing up your phone?"

"It's my friend Arden." I miss you. Come to me! The text read.

"Where's she at?"

"Right now? Home probably."

"Let's pick her up! I need more friends!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm. "I'll see if she's down to broaden her social circle."

I sent her a text back explaining the situation. Arden was very much down to meet the super hot new girl in town.

I told Arden's address to Nikki and within a few minutes we were there.

"Hey babygirl!" I said as Arden slipped into the car.

"Hey ditcher. You owe me!" Arden flicked me in the ear, a form of pain infliction I passed on to her. "Hi, I'm Arden. It's nice to meet you." Arden's whole demeanor changed. She sounded... nicer than usual, especially for being in front of a new person.

"Nikki." She reached over and shook Arden's hand. "Let's go. I have some people I want you to meet."