i want to hate you so much
everything about you consumes me in the worst way
you make me cry and then i go into fits of rage
it's like heavy rains before the hurricane
i want to hate you so much
i flinch at the touch of fingertips and i ball my fists at people who could potentially care about me
you said your favorite color was red
i thought of roses
now, the color makes me think of the blood on my hands once my palm holds the stem
i think of red eyes, either from crying from the pain or being high to numb the pain
the sound of your name gives me a sinking feeling in my chest
as if my heart is trying to bury itself deeper within my body
the sound of your name used to give me butterflies
when i hear it now
i feel nothing but the ashes of them lying on the bottom of my stomach
you have made me
bitter
-i still love you, you piece of shit
