9:38pm: Hey look, real talk. I fucked up. I know I fucked you over beyond repair and you have every right in the world to hate me for it. I have a lot of feelings and I struggle to express them in appropriate ways. I know I've been a bitch to you, I know I may have been subconsciously giving you dirty looks as you pass but I promise it may not seem like it but I mean the best. I just want you to be happy. Really, that's why I left. I felt like I was just being a massive burden on your life, and I was holding you back in everything you aspired to do. I only want the very best for you. I miss when you were my blonde twat and I would defend your name in everything I do. I miss you teasing me, no matter how frustrating it was and how much it pissed me off at the time. You got on my nerves and I know I got on every single last one of yours, and that's why I loved you. Through all the shit that was happening through everything I did to you, you were always their with me, by my side through anything and everything, doing everything in your power to make me smile and laugh and see the positives in everything. You were my only reason for smiling every day. You were the reason I got up in the mornings, and the reason I slept peacefully at night. And I threw it all away. I threw it away with a shitty late night decision after crying for hours on end because my mind was fucked and I had too many feelings at once and I needed time alone to work on myself other than working on us as a collective partnership. I really fucked up you know. And I regret everything. I fucking love you so so much but I cant even talk to you anymore because I'm too much of a pussy. I'm scared I'm gonna fuck up even more. I'm scared I'm gonna make it escalate into something even worse and its bad enough already as it is. You were my best friend, my everything. I told you every single detail about my life. I loved you with every single piece of my heart.
I didn't realise what I had until I lost you. I took advantage of how well you treated me and forgot what you tried to always remind me. Focus on the positives. Stay happy. Look for the best in everything and everyone. I didn't want to fuck up and do something worse than leave you. I only ever focused on myself and how I could make things easier for m. I'm so sorry for all the shit I've put you through. I'm sorry.
