If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
She didn't know where or how to begin. He was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to share the reason that led her here, but she wasn't ready. And she didn't know if she would ever be ready.
There was just too much to say. So much to say, in fact, that she was starting to drown in her thoughts--his thoughts.
Just get over it already, you fucking piece of shit.
Do you see her complaining? No. She's a good girl.
Go do us all a favor and kill yourself.
Trying to fight back tears, she bit down on her lip. He noticed her discomfort and held out his hand.
"Hey, it's okay. I won't judge you or anything."
She looked up at him and he gave her the tiniest of smiles. It was barely noticeable, but enough to give her the strength to finally tell someone about her life at home.
She wrapped her fingers around his.
"You..you know when you said you don't have a voice? I can relate to that. Because I don't have one either. My dad is constantly reminding me of how I don't fit his standards and society's standards and how...but you know, shouldn't it be enough to just be happy with yourself? I think so. But that's not how my dad works. And it's not how the world works. Nothing I say or do matters. Not to my dad, not to my--"
She had to stop because she swore she'd never tell anyone. She promised him. And she didn't want to know what he'd do if he found out she told someone. Even if that someone was a complete stranger she met in the middle of the night on a park bench.
He squeezed her hand ever so slightly and it brought her back to reality. She met his blue eyes and he gave her that small smile again. It made her feel like her stomach was on fire in the best possible way. She took a deep breath and thought, fuck it. I need to tell someone.
"My dad, he...just let me say it before you say anything, okay?"
She waited to see him nod his head before continuing. "Okay."
"Hedrinksalotandhehitsmymomsometimeshehitsmebutnotthatoftennotreallyusuallyhejustmakesmefeelbadabouteverythi--"
Tears had started falling down her face. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders as she started sobbing.
"Shhh, it's oka--"
"No. No, it's not." Her words came out as a harsh, angry roar.
"Don't tell me it's okay for a mother to watch her own daughter get told to kill herself and agree with it. Don't tell me it's okay for her to watch me get slapped for taking too long to cook his dinner in the microwave. Don't tell me it's okay for her to pretend like she doesn't hear me screaming for her to help me. Because it's not, okay? It's really not."
"Shit, I--"
"Didn't know? No one does. Minus you, as of now. And you can't tell anyone. I mean it. He'll kill me if he finds out I told you."
He didn't care if her dad would kill her. If he told the police right now, he'd be in jail before he'd even have the chance. "I have to tell the cops."
She jerked her head up. "No."
"I have to. You're in danger."
"No! You can't tell anyone, okay? I have this under control. I do." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well as him when she said that, and he noticed.
"They'll help you and your mom. It's the right thing to d--"
"Stop acting like you know me! You don't know me at all!"
"But I'd like to."
***
this is actually my favorite chapter so far even though her life basically sucks a lot he just wants the best for her awww
