I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things.
"Hi,"
She pulled the sleeves of her thin sweater down over her hands as she slowly walked up to the bench.
She was almost hesitant to sit down next to him; it was obvious in the way she glanced around as if she was asking permission.
"You can sit down." Niall slid a couple inches to the right, making space for Casper's body.
"Thanks," was all she said.
It was cold outside, the kind of cold that made you wish someone was by your side. Niall couldn't actually believe Casper was here, in the flesh, with him. It had to be a dream.
This couldn't be reality.
Reality was a place where Casper laughed at all of his jokes. It was a place where Niall didn't question her being with him.
It wasn't a place where awkward silences existed between them. Reality wasn't a place where they acted like strangers. Reality wasn't this.
Niall wondered what in hell went wrong.
***
They were quiet for a long, long time. Casper messed with the fraying ends of her sweater. Niall stared at the empty swingset, watching it slowly swing back and forth.
Niall didn't think he'd ever hear Casper's voice again until she spoke up.
"...so, what brings you here this time?"
Niall laughed.
Casper wanted to cry. That sound, the sound of him laughing...nothing else compared. Nothing was that happy--that alive.
"No, no, you go first. I went first last time, remember? You're not getting off that easy." He smiled weakly. So did Casper.
"Fine, okay. Whatever. Um..."
She paused for a moment and stared at the ground. Niall placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a few reassuring rubs.
Casper flinched.
Niall noticed.
"Nothing lasts forever, you know? And nothing ever stays the same.
I thought I finally got it right. I thought I was doing the right thing and everything was falling into place and it felt like the greatest thing in the world. And then one day, it just wasn't."
She took a shaky breath.
"Look up, Niall. What do you see?"
He craned his neck towards the sky.
"Nothing. It's cloudy tonight."
"For me, it's always cloudy. I can't remember the last time I saw the stars.
They've always been there for me, and now, they're gone. I don't know what to do. And I don't know if they're ever coming back."
Niall didn't know what to say because he knew exactly what she meant. And he didn't disagree.
Everything was just gone.
***
They sat in silence for ten minutes or so until Casper spoke up again.
"Luke told me, you know."
Niall looked up at her with puzzled eyes. He had been in the middle of wishing her pain away. "What?"
"He told me about Victoria. I know what happened."
Niall's face paled. "He--he doesn't tell anyone about that."
"Well, he told me. And I wish I could forget it."
"We all do."
***
"It's kind of funny, the stars being gone. I guess I deserve this. I didn't read the signs, after all. Honestly, I brought this upon myself."
Casper had started talking out of nowhere again.
"Cas, I hate to be rude, but what the hell are you talking about?"
Niall prayed to every fucking god he could think of that Casper wouldn't say what he was thinking. He had never wanted to hear a lie so badly.
But she told the truth.
"Luke hits me then kisses me. Luke ignores me then needs me. Luke hates me then loves me. I'm talking about Luke, who else would I be talking about? And why do you even care? Why are you here, Niall?" She had started screaming and crying.
Niall looked her right in the eye and didn't miss a beat.
She knew it was going to be something about his knee or his dad or maybe even a combination of the two.
So when he uttered one word, she was left completely speechless.
"You."
***
hi it's been five months
i'm sorry
yell at me on twitter @ coolkidswift if you're mad
i have some of the next update written
i'll post it before the month ends
i'm not promising but yeah
i love you
