The Hardest Puzzle || Death Note

16-What You Wanted

Chapter Sixteen * What You Wanted -

Near looked at you somewhat incredulously.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked seriously, for once not in a complete monotone.

You nodded bravely. You had to be strong. So you would be strong.

At all costs.

Near saw the stubborn, determined glint in your eyes. His respect for you grew a little-well, it practically doubled.

But what he didn't know was how unsure you still were; how scared you were on the inside. He didn't need to know that, though.

"This is what I want," you said determinedly.

Near sighed. "All right."

He looked at Hal.

"Let's see what we can do, Lidner. See if you can find someone."

You squared your shoulders. You had to go through this. You needed to do this. No, you wanted to go through this.

And so you would.

.........

About two weeks later you got back to the dull compound, feeling more relieved than your felt in awhile.

You walked inside and raced straight for your room, ignoring Hal's call to you that she was making lunch.

You were too anxious to worry about eating, even though your stomach grumbled a rather loud protest.

You got into your room and slammed the door shut, locking it securely. You walked over to the bed and sat on it slowly, blank-faced and staring at a wall.

About thirty seconds later you broke out of your trance and curled into a little ball at the foot of your bed.

You wondered worriedly if you'd done the right thing. You wondered if what you were now doing was the right thing.

A sudden, soft knock sounded on the door.

"You're not cutting again, are you!" inquired the exasperatingly annoying Near.

You were beginning to think that the cutting incident was the only thing Near thought about when it came to you.

"Of course not!" you called, slowly untangling yourself and hastening to unlock the door. "Thanks to that, anyway, and thanks to you," you hastily added, "I haven't been allowed near anything sharper than a fork lately, especially not razors."

You neglected to mention the fact that you also really needed to shave your legs. It was an extremely urgent matter.

You opened the door and showed Near your healed wrist.

"If you're checking on this again, all that's left is a physical scar."

"But a mental scar was left, too, wasn't it?" Near voiced.

You sighed and slowly, after a long moment, nodded.

"But," Near said, "that's not why I'm here." He paused. "I'm here to check up on you."

Your eyes widened slightly.

"And? Are you okay?" Near probed.

You gulped.

"Spill," he demanded, tugging on a lock of his white hair and staring seriously at you.

You avoided the sudden urge to run your own fingers through the colorless hair that you could only imagine as soft.