The Hardest Puzzle || Death Note

21-Something I Need

Chapter Twenty-One * Something I Need -
As expected, you saw Near. But as was unexpected, it was only Near, and no Hal or Gevanni or Rester or Matsuda or Aizawa or Hayes. Nope, just Near.
For once you were the one to blink owlishly at him instead of vice versa.
"Well?"
You scowled at Near, suddenly going from depressed to ticked.
"Are you gonna tell me the reasons?" you asked him, your already red eyes tearing up a bit as you stared up at him. "Because, if you don't, I don't-I just don't know what I'll do." I feel useless enough as is, you added bitterly in your head.
"You..." Near paused. For once it seems he was actually taking time to think of the answer, instead of knowing right from the get-go.
Disappointed, you looked down at your trembling hands, which were curled into fists. You slowly unfurled them to see little red indentations from your nails, though they luckily hadn't broken through the skin.
Suddenly you found Near's pale and thin hands taking yours and bringing them close so he could look at them. A single, white hand held yours as the fingertips of his others brushed lightly across the indentations in your palm.
You shivered at his light touch. Something about it did something to you, who knows what; and besides, his hands were freezing!
For once, though, you didn't retract your hands; you left Near take his time examining them. (However, it was extremely hard, and made you want to scream as well as making goosebumps rise on your pale skin.)
Near slowly spoke words that shouldn't be said in a monotone, and yet were anyway simply because of who he was. "Basically, you have something that we all need."
You looked at him in confusion. What was he talking about? You weren't that special or important or anything.
Near seemed to have noticed your confusion; as always, he launched into an explanation.
"Here we all solve crimes and mysteries, avenge the murdered, and catch people that need to be locked up," Near explained apathetically. So far it seemed to be irrelevant, but you knew that Near never said anything irrelevant, so you listened on.
"To do such we have to be able to switch off our emotions, as I demonstrate now," Near said, acing the demonstration of apathy. "We need to stay apathetic and observe from a distance in order to prevent our emotions from interfering with investigations."
Slowly but steadily you nodded.
"You, however," Near continued, "are basically the exact opposite. You used to hold everything in, but when your ordeal was finally over you were tired of holding it in and didn't bother to anymore."
You were gradually starting to see why you were here. You leaned forward, listening intently.
Near still hadn't let to of your hands.
"We need you here because we need emotion in this dull compound. You bring life into our lives, and introduce emotions to our emotionless selves. It doesn't matter how depressing and unhappy they are; they are emotions nonetheless." Near paused to sit down beside you on the love seat, still holding your hands palm up.
Near stared deeply into your eyes with his own gray ones; you had the uncomfortable feeling that he was using them to peer deep down into your soul so he could take notes on it.
"You are teaching us and giving us a gift that we all dearly need," Near said. It was almost as if he was peering into the deepest part of your soul; he was giving you one of your deepest desires-a job only you could do, and people that needed you.
"We need you here." Near paused; turned your hands slowly over in his lap. Then he said something that you would never forget.
"I need you."
You stared at him in surprise. All this, coming from the guy who wanted to be a blank stone wall when he grew up?!
"That is why I asked you to come here. That is also why we will never accept payment from you as an attempt to thank us. Unwittingly, you already have, but it's only now that you realize it."
You had a feeling that, while Near was typically apathetic, he just hid his feelings. It seemed like he'd just opened up to you for once, showing just how special you were to him. This made you strangely happy, realizing you were important to the white-haired teen.
The thing was, though, that in all honesty you had no idea just how important you were to him.
Near had realized that he knew what the odd feeling in his chest was. He realized that he'd known it all along. But there was no way he was going to tell you, of course. Not being who he was.
Near let to of your hands and stood up. He started to walk back to where you two had come from, one of his long, thin hands already fiddling with strands of his hair.
You didn't need him to say anything to know that the sappy stuff was over, and that it was time to get back into the real world. After all, he'd already said enough to you, if not too much, being who he was.
Near wordlessly showed you back to your and Hal's rooms. He then zoomed off, leaving you to stand nervously in Hal's doorway.
You and she stared wordlessly at each other for a bit, until she finally spoke.
"I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't heard that."
"...But..." You tried to think of what to say. "That doesn't change the fact that I did. It doesn't change the fact that you meant what you said." This part came out in an oddly flat tone; so their emotionless was was rubbing off on you as much as your opposite behavior was on them.
"True." Hal stared into your eyes, determined and strong. You had to admit that, though she'd broken your trust, you still admired her and thought of her as brave.
"However," Hal's voice interrupted your thoughts, "there is one thing that you don't quite understand."
You paused, waiting for her to say it.
All the while, she paused, waiting for you to give her some sort of signal to keep on.
You nodded briefly at her, suddenly feeling more mature than you'd ever been in your entire life.
Hal pushed on.
"What I was saying then was that I was tired of faking around you, and that I'm tired of acting like your mother. That's what you heard, and you think that I mean I don't like you. It's not your fault." Hal paused to take a breath, then continued.
"Really I don't know how to show my true personality to you. I don't know how to show you my true self, even though I don't want to lie. I don't hate you; I'm just not good at playing the role of a mother."
Hal paused yet again, and you gathered that she was finished. She seemed frustrated, like she couldn't find the words to say what she felt.
"I'm sorry," she said, sounding angry and frustrated. "I just don't know how to express myself."
You wanted to laugh out loud; Hal had just proven your point exactly. And yet at the same time you didn't, because you knew only too well how she was feeling right now, having been through it way too many times before.
Yes; you knew exactly how she felt. You'd once been like that, but you had a feeling that it wasn't like that anymore.
It wouldn't be ever again, you promised yourself firmly and determinedly. It's your turn to be brave. Hal's being brave right now, so why don't you be brave now, too?
You opened your mouth to speak.
"What made you think I wanted a mother?" you asked her slowly and curiously. "I mean, you saw what happened with my last one."
Hall nodded and gave a small, tight smile. "Then what do you want?"
You paused, as if to think, but you knew what you truly wanted from the bottom of your heart. You knew exactly what to say from the moment that question left Hal's ruby-red lips.
"A friend."
Hal gazed at you in open astonishment, realizing what you were inviting her to be.
"...Well," she said finally. "I'll give it a shot."
She stood tall and stretched, stifling a yawn.
"We'll see what we can do about you and school tomorrow, but for now haul your skinny ass off to bed, she said, sounding completely different than she usually did.
You would get used to it, you promised yourself. You would accept her fully as she had you.
You did exactly as Hal asked, and hauled your "skinny ass" to bed, only to remember that you had to pee, causing an exasperated Hal to send you off on a trip to get toilet paper.
Well, as friends you two will just have to deal.