Forbidden to Fall

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

"How many times have you been here?"

"A few."

I think about Mitch being in my house and it's strange. When was he here? Why is it that I never saw him?

"I know, it's weird," he says as if he could read my mind. He opens the door for us and puts the key back in its hiding place in the flowerpot under the window. Once inside he closes the door and locks it back.

"So you know where everything is?"

"Yeah. I've been in every room, except for one."

I curiously raise an eyebrow. I knew he was talking about my room given the fact he didn't know Rick was my father. He points to my sad little bedroom door.

"That one."

"My room?"

"I guess it is, isn't it?"

"Have you even seen what it looks like?" I ask.

Do you want to?

Mitch shakes his head and takes a seat in the living room. I get lost in thought trying to figure out how all these things happen without me knowing. I like to think I'm a very observant person. So how did I miss this?

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

I'm a mess.

"Why didn't you know I was Richard's kid?"

"I never thought about it. He said he had a daughter and that I wasn't allowed in her room "

"Weren't you curious?"

"Maybe a little. But I didn't like him so I didn't care who she was."

Do you care now that you know it's me?

"Oh..."

I take a seat next to him, my head still packed with unanswered questions.

"Are you worried about your mom?"

"Not really. Should I be?"

I think about everything that has happened to me in this house. All the scars I have are because of the man his mother is engaged to, the man that is my father.

Maybe I'm the only one he wants to hurt.

"Never mind."

"No, tell me."

I sigh and he looks at me, waiting patiently.

"He doesn't hurt her, does he?"

I watch all the muscles in his face rearrange themselves to try and mask his forgetfulness.

"No."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding back. I was relieved and devastated at the same time. I was glad he didn't hurt anyone else. I'm not okay with what he does but I'm the only one that can handle it. So it's okay that it's just me.

"Good."

"Does he hurt you?"

Confused, I look into his eyes. I thought he knew. I guess Cole must've left out that part. I quickly look away again, unwilling to answer.

"I'm sorry."

I manage a quiet, "It's okay."

"It's not okay and you know it."

I lean into the back of the couch and pull my legs up to my chest.

I know. But it doesn't matter.

I put my chin on my knees and unknowingly bite down on my lip. Mitch gets up to kneel in front of me. I frown, my brow furrowing.

What are you doing?

With his palm against my face, he takes his thumb and runs it down my chin, causing me teeth to release my bottom lip.

"What are you doing?"

"That's a bad habit."

I know.

"So?"

His tone thickens.

"You shouldn't do that to yourself."

Why not?

"I don't care."

"You should."

Make me.

"Why?"

He keeps quiet, obviously thinking of something to say.

"Cole wouldn't be too happy about it."

I don't care about him.

"Oh..."

Mitch studies my expression. Just a minute ago he was telling me that he knew I was leading Cole on. I know there's something else.

What are you holding back?

"I guess that's not really motivation to quit, is it?"

"No," I say bluntly. He sighs.

"Can I ask you something?"

You can ask me anything.

"Sure."

"Why are getting involved with someone you don't like?"

Because I want to know what it's like to mean something to somebody.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't," he says. I feel a hot pain in my chest that spreads before slowly turning into ice. Mitch quickly corrects himself.

"I mean I don't know..."

Then an exhale and "I mean, I do know. I just can't find the words."

Or maybe you're holding back, like me.

"Please say what you're thinking," I say to him.

"You first."