The mumbles, keyboard clicks and the smell of books and coffee enhance my senses. Not saying I have powers of some kind, it just makes me more aware. The aroma of the 'Barnes and Nobles' tingles my soul as I sit. This is the accomplishment of the day. Walking outside calling an Uber and coming to sit awkwardly at a 'Barnes and Nobles'. I keep my head down playing with my fingers to think of anything that won't cause me to have a panic attack in front of the whole store causing permanent embarrassment.
'You have to look at least one person in the face.' My conscience yells at me as I slowly lift my head up to see a ginger white man walking past where I was sitting. This was all happing to fast. Though he didn't make eye contact with me not once I began to panic.
My breathing becomes unsteady. Along comes my shaking hands the sweat forming on my palms making it harder to pick my phone to call anyone to help me. I violently shove my phone into any part of my bag not caring if the device is safe at all. I push up my glasses with my trembling hands frantically collecting my items as tears begin forming in my eyes. I run out the store as the tears start to fall on my brown sugar colored cheeks. I forget about calling an Uber and I run all the way to my studio apartment in New Orleans.
Being a track star in high school I get there in no time. I get weird looks from other sane citizens as I run for my life. I frantically run into the building catching the attention of the security guard Bryan. "Nadia are you ok?" He yells at me. I push open the stairway door running up the stairs making the whole 'your about to have a panic attack' proses worse on myself. I run all the up to the fifth floor sprinting past my only neighbor Tasha who peeks her head out her door knowing that could only be me running at across the building at three in the afternoon "Nadia!" She calls out to me making more tears cascades down my cheeks. I tangle up with my bag as Tasha walks towards me and my door cautiously. I search through my bag not being able to see my vision being blocked by the tears.
My keys are quickly found but fumbled around in my trembling hands. As Tasha inches closer I snap "Please I just wanna be alone." I yell sobbing out hitting my hands on the door. Since the key was still tucked in my hand I can feel the blood trickling down my hand making me cry more. Tasha removes the bloody key from my hand unlocking my door handing me back the key. "I'll be back to check on you." I am still a sobbing mess, the water of my tears collecting on the rim of my glasses. She walks away while I'm walking into my house.
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I close the door. I slide down the door painfully slow sobbing loudly I let out a loud cry of agony. The cry could make anyone's heartbreak maybe that's why Bryan came and knocked on my door. "Nadia, come on open up." He says softly through the door. "I couldn't do it," I say muffled through the cries.
"Nadia, you have to get over this. The doctor said go out of your comfort zone. I know how hard it is but baby doll you keep giving up." Bryon preaches through the door. My breathing gets calmer as his voice fills my ears. I stay silent on my side of the door replaying the 'embarrassing' episode over in my mind cursing at myself.
