My bleeding heart

Alcohol.

I remember the smell like it was yesterday.
There's was comfort in the smell.
It meant daddy was home & he was safe.
I remember throwing a wrapper away & seeing stacks of glass bottles , one on top of the other. Wondering why there was so many.
I remember never leaving daddy's side at family gatherings when he was drinking. He never made me stay but I always wanted to make sure he was okay. I don't know most of my cousins because I was too worried about daddy to go play.
I remember mommy driving us down town to show my sister and I why daddy wasn't home yet. I remember seeing blue & red flashing lights and my dad's red car. He was being put in the back of the cop car.
I remember him apologizing when he got home saying he would never do it again.
After that I remember begging him to come home. He was drinking with my uncle. Finally he agreed to leave. Daddy didn't leave sober. Daddy left with my sister and I , we drove 5 hours to get home. I always wondered why my father drank so much growing up. Why didn't he stop ? I remember my mother begging him. As I got older I found myself begging as well. It was hard not knowing if your father would come home or if you would get a call from a cop saying he was being taken to jail or worse , to the hospital.

To this day when my father drinks I get a slight pain in my heart. He's recovered now from his ways when I was younger.
That doesn't take the memories away.