Faith, Hope, And Love (Dean x *suicidal* Reader)

Chapter 10!(finally!)

"Y/n why didn't you just wait in the car for us?" Dean growled.

"What?! You guys are the ones who left me in the first place!" You throw your hands in the air and feel your sleeve start to slip so you put them back down and fold them under your armpits.

"We stopped to talk to someone. Not to stay the night. We had left you in the car for no more than 5-10 minutes." Sam said calmly. "We still have about and hour until we reach Ohio."

You sigh and roll your eyes.

"Greeeaaat." You sarcastically yawn. "One more hour stuck with you bafoons.". You saw dean's eyes flash at you with anger, and you could tell his grip tightened on the wheel. Sam just sighed and by the time you had looked out the window and looked back, he had fallen asleep.

~*•<TimeSkippp>•*~

You stir in your seat as dean pulls into the small motel. He stops the car quickly and nods his head towards you and sam, "Get." You look at him confused, and see sam is matching your look.

"Dean-"

"I said get! Take your shit and get out!" Dean interrupted sam and turned the music up very loud. You clamber out of the impala and grab your bag out of the trunk along with sams. You start walking towards the motel and you hear the impala door slam shut and sam stomping towards you. Before you reach the motel door, sam already had his hand on the knob and is making his way inside, you turn around for a sec and see that dean and baby have vanished. You sigh and walk inside with sam and plop the bags on a bed. Sam automatically is flustered at what dean did. You sigh and grab your bag, heading to look for the bathroom.

"I'll be back," You assure Sam and he just nods. You go down a tiny hallway and see a small door leading to a second bedroom. Or, a room that had a bed in it. It wasn't a small bed like the one in the living room, but a big bed. You shrugged it off and walked to the next door, and walked into the bathroom. You close the door behind you and set down your bag and reach into the compartment. You close the toilet lid and sit on it, legs crossed. You flip the razor back and forth between your hands. You think about all the things dean's said. How much he must hate you. You couldn't bare the thought of it. Just one or two won't hurt..or six..or ten....or fifty.. you thought, and you couldn't hold back the tears any longer. As they poured down your cheeks, You roll up your sleeve and see where you had previously torn open a small section of your skin. You run your fingers over it and push the sleeve farther up onto your shoulder. You attempt to graze the razor against your skin, but the tears were clouding up your vision. You wiped your eyes and thought about it. About dean. How much you two had been through. You had never been the perfect companion to him, and he to you. But you had always tried with the best intentions in store. You brush the blade quickly across your wrist, close to your past cut. You wiped an eye as you saw a little red line come into focus and turn into little beads of red liquids dancing on your skin. You sweep it agains your skin again, but a bit harder, making you flinch. You go again, and again, again, again. Over and over until you could barely feel your arm anymore. You roll your head back at attempt to stop the streams of water from trickling down your soft cheeks. But nothing works. You close your eyes hard, not wanting to see what you did to yourself. You let out a small cry and quickly cover your mouth hoping sam didn't hear. You sniffle and glance an eye at your wrist. Blood was covering it. You couldn't tell where the individual cuts were, all you saw was red. It was dripping to your fingertips and a few times it had slid onto the ground, making little dots of blood sink into the tiled floor. You wipe your eyes again and start to stand up. You walk over to the sink and turn on the faucet. Your tears were blinding you as you started to clean off the razor. You finish and start to wipe off the blood on your wrist, but you hear a knock on the door and roll your sleeve down quickly.

"Y/n? You ok in there?" Sam's voice smooths over your ears and you don't reply at first. "Y/n?" You hear him say again.

"Uh..yah, yah sam I'm fine I'll be out in a second." You reply and try to make it seem like you weren't just balling your eyes out. You hear his footsteps fade back into the living room. You put the razor back in the compartment of your bag and walk back into the living room. You see sam on his laptop and you glance out the window.

"Dean not back yet?" You ask, still looking out the window hopelessly.

"Nah." Sam grunted back, "he probably went to the bar. You know how he is." You turn and sit next to sam on the bed.

"Yah." You look over at sam's screen and saw he was looking over demonic symbols of some sort. They kinda looked familiar, but you shrugged it off and leaned your head on his shoulder. He closed his laptop and set it on the dresser next to him and put his arm around you.

"Dean gets this way. It's not your fault it's just the way he is." Sam muttered. You sighed and nodded slightly. You could hear him breathing heavily, and you liked the sound of it. It, comforted you in a way. You sighed and fell asleep to the sound of sam's heartbeat.