Bound: Toxic Love (Book 2)

Chapter XXXIV

Lana's POV

The water ran soothingly, the silence swallowed me and the rhythm of my heartbeat echoed in my ears.. My blood was rushing in my ears.. I felt anxious for some reason. My thoughts ran wild, and I knew the reasons why, but I was still struggling with shutting my mind.. Forcing myself to.

Christian was taking a shower. I already did, in the room that was once mine, but I got back in Christian's room with the idea of talking to him. He was busy though.. And it was good that he was busy.. I needed all the time I could get.. All the courage I could get.

The kind of realization I had that day was really stressful. It sucked my energy constantly and I simply could not focus on anything else but those three sharp words that kept repeating in my mind. I love him, I love him, I love him..

My subconsciousness was speaking to me with each beat of my heart. I had to tell him. He had to know. The feelings that had grown inside me were too strong to be ignored.. They were there because of no one else but him.. They were for no one else but him. It was only fair if he knew. They were not only mine to keep.

But it seemed like my soul was a bit selfish too.. I wanted to hold onto them for as long as I could, constantly finding excuses why I shouldn't be telling him right away.. Constantly struggling to come up with ways I could delay that conversation, perhaps even delay the feelings that I had towards him..

I suppose fear controlled me too.. It was always the worst emotions that seemed to take power of us.. Dread, anger, lack of confidence, lack of courage.. That was what kept insisting on me to change my mind. To simply put my feelings on hold, rain check the conversation and give into the simple game of temptation that he had already offered.

I could do that. Yea. I could easily play such game. The thing was, now that I knew what I felt, it was easier for me to lose.. When feelings took control, lack of resistance was guaranteed. It would mean jumping from a cliff with the awareness that there was no coming back up if I accepted that game.

And something kept constantly urging me to. I suppose it was the simple effect his presence had on me.. The simple effect caused by the memories of that night.. Of that breathtaking, mind-blowing night when he decided to earn my trust. Christ, he did a damn good job.

He did- oh he did things that I never thought were possible. He kept his promise, and yes, in fact made me basically pass out from pleasure. Perhaps it was the thought of that that allured me to him so much.. The picture of him in that kind of control.

Yea, it could be only the lust mastering me. It could be false feelings.. Triggered feelings. And honestly, I was hopping it was just that, because.. I knew it would only make it harder if it was all real. It was already a struggle to keep us a secret from my family, from whole Moondale and Venedocia.

If what I felt was real, it meant either an end to us, or an end to one specie. Love could not be hidden, and once it was out, war was the only thing written on our life paths. Death. To him, me, or everyone one we cared about..

So it was easier to push back perhaps.. Not tell him yet.. Keep it for myself. It would make me look selfish, but the reasons I would do it for were everything but that.

There were still things we had to worry about.. Problems that were yet to get solved. One of them -- possibly in my hand. The envelope. A letter. Whatever it was.. It had my name written on it, and it promised nothing but ruin.

I hadn't told Christian yet.. He was in the shower, and I guess I was supposed to wait for him to get out.. I was already too distracted by thoughts of my feelings for him, that conversation that I decided to delay a bit more.. I didn't even realize that I had grabbed the letter from my room and was now standing in the middle of his, looking towards the bathroom door and supposedly waiting for him to get out.