You make me sick

Your (9)

Peggy

I'm gay. As in, lesbian. I like girls. I, Margarita Schuyler, otherwise known as Peggy, am into girls.

Nobody knows. And as far as I'm concerned, nobody will know. Well, except for maybe one person. I stretch out a finger to grab my phone on the bedside table, then suck in a breath of air and curl it back up.

It's one thirty-two am. The clock next to my bed is one minute ahead. It glows blue as I groan and roll over, unable to sleep.

All I can think about is telling John. And that woman I saw walking into the coffeeshop today. My breath hitches and I feel my insides start to tingle as I squeeze my eyes shut and let my hair fall into my face. 

John won't mind, right? We've had midnight dances plenty of times before.. Why would this time be any different? Because this time I would reveal my biggest secret to him. 

I sigh again and slip my hand out from underneath the covers, grabbing the phone and squinting against the white light that blasts into my face. I tiptoe into the living area, my socks sliding against the wooden floors to muffle my footsteps as I peek out, glad to see that both sisters are in their bedrooms, probably asleep or on their phones.

I step back into my room, dial John's number and take a deep breath before calling him. He picks up almost immediately.

"Hey, John?" Within a beat, he responds, just as awake as I am.

"What is it, honey?"

"I- I need a dance.." He hangs up, and after a few minutes, a soft tapping is heard on our main door. We have one of the biggest rooms that the college offers, so we're at the end of the hallway. I bite my lip and hope nobody wakes up, grasping my chest in anticipation. He knows to wait for me. After a minute or so of nobody stirring, I slide over to the door and crack it open to see his worried face. His soft whisper cuts through the silence of our dorm like a knife through hot butter.

"Are you alright, darlin'?" I look down and nod, taking his hand gently to pull him inside. I drag him into my room, shutting the door quietly and moving closer. He instinctually takes my hand gently as he steps back silently, swaying with the soft song I'm humming.

The moonlight slices across the room and sends fluttering shadows across the glossy wooden planks of my bedroom floor as he twists me and joins in on the song, humming a soft melody to accompany mine. 

A gentle twirl. A soft dip. The gentle beams of white light fall onto his curls and eyes, causing them to sparkle as his lips spread into a soft smile. 

"You're beautiful." I blush and sway along with his song as I drop mine, eyes locking with his. 

"I think you're the only person that's ever said that to me other than my family." He pouts and dips me, whispering softly in time to the music he sends to me, like silk.

"Best friends count as family, no?" I sigh and sway closer to him, watching as the light makes his face glow. 

"I guess so." His song is coming to an end, so his already paced swaying slows down even more, softening in movement until the very last note hangs in the air, above us. I press my forehead to his and he looks down, furrowing his brows and whispering again.

"Was there something you wanted to tell me?" Should I? The moment seems so perfect.. He takes my chin and gently pulls it up to face him. "You can tell me.." I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder as he continues to gently sway in time to a soft tune he murmurs.

"Do you remember when you first came out?" He strokes my hair gently, and I feel him nod slowly from above me. "Was it hard?" He sighs and rests his hands around my waist, flowing along with the music.