Three of A Kind

Hush Little Baby

School was starting back up in a few days and I was feeling down. The boys were heading off to a different school than I was about to, since now they were Uni students. A small part of me worried about whether or not they would be lured by some sexy older person away from me. They would have more options now that they were attending a new school.

I told my boys I was feeling a little insecure, and as much as they reassured me that I was being silly, I still felt worried. I was addicted. Really addicted. To them, their family dynamic, the great sex and the strange openness that they all had with each other. The chances of me ever finding something like this again were so slim you couldn't cut it with a knife.

If they ever left me I didn't know what I'd do. I would either become a huge slut in my attempts to fill the gaping hole they left, or I might fall into a deep dark depression and commit suicide. The possibilities were frightening. I wasn't sure why I was thinking about all this now. Maybe it was some kind of strange separation anxiety?

I was moping around their house by the pool when their father noticed I was particularly sad. The boys were not yet home from work, again. Dan was off playing with a new friend. Sam had left when I showed up, still sporting the remains of the black eye Gabe gave him when I bruised the day after he f*cked me. His was far worse than mine, but my boys did say they would do it.

"Hey Theo, why the long face buddy?" Mr. Baumann came over and sat down next to me. I smiled up at the handsome man, trying to hide my distress.

"Hello sir, I am just waiting for my boys." I replied. He frowned a little at me and tilted his head. I licked my lips nervously.

"That doesn't answer my question, Theo. I asked why you were sad, not why you were sitting here." He said sternly. I picked at the bottom of my shirt and avoided his gaze. I didn't really want to admit my insecurities to him, but I suppose he was older and in a position to know more about the situation. 

"Oh, yes, sorry about that. I... I have been feeling a little insecure lately. The boys are going off to a bigger school and will be meeting new people. I suppose I am just nervous that this is a permanent thing, you know?" I glanced at the wedding ring on his finger and sighed. Maybe if we were married or something I wouldn't feel so insecure.

"I see you are looking at my wedding ring. Don't think that something like this will make a difference though. It is what it symbolizes that is far more important. A man who can't commit to you still won't do so if you make him put a ring on your finger and sign some papers. At the back of his mind he will be reassuring himself that divorce is his out." He warned me wisely. I nodded and slumped into my chair.

"I know. I am committed to them, I am just a little worried about them being committed to me. They were fine with sharing me with... uh, each other and stuff... so how do I know they will keep being loyal as we go in separate directions?" I argued with him. He chuckled at my blunder. I was pretty sure he knew how Sam got his black eye.

"Why are you worried about that? You do realise that once a potential partner tries to pick one over the other they will refuse to see them. The fact that you can even keep up with my boys is a miracle honestly. I thought you would have keeled over from exhaustion or gotten fed up by now." He tried saying logically. I understood that, but what if?

"It's not that, it's the 'what if' that scares me, sir. Without them I seriously worry about my sanity. What if they did find someone else? What would happen if they died? I feel like they have made it impossible for me to do without them, and that scares me." I put my head into my hands and sighed as I stared out over the pool.

"Oh sweetheart. You have a loving family at home and now you have us, you know that right? If you think after all this time we would just forget about you... you are very mistaken. If anything happened, Dan and Sam would be there for you and so would Mary and I. We are your family now." He consoled me with a sly grin. I blushed.