Masquerade, A Tom Hiddleston Story

Part 12 "Can you feel the love tonight?"

Kate's POV

"And can you feel the love tonight?
It is where we are
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
That we got this far"

I let myself smile as the love theme for the Lion King comes to an end. I pressed the replay button on my phone and adjusted my earphones to fit my ears better. My eyes scanned the room to see if anyone caught that cheesy smile I let slip out.

Of course nobody did. Ron is busy talking with a person from Disney on the phone and Lisa is wearing her own earphones, her fingers typing madly on the keyboard of her laptop.

The theme song played again. I swear this is only the first time I hit the replay button.... Today. And it's only 11 so give it time.

Thank God for earphones. And thank God my friends who are not mind readers. Or else they would found out about why this particular song, and what memory it brings, and which guy that is attached to this memory.

Tom Hiddleston. All nerd-ied out in his reading glasses, singing along to the lyrics in the seat beside me in the large theatre. Nobody realised that Loki from Marvel MCU was my date to the Lion King musical that night. Sometimes we locked eyes and smiled, sharing a completely dorky inside joke. Yes we know all the lyrics and dialog! We are musical nerds! Thank God we did not high five in public.

But we did kiss in public. I get goosebumps everytime my mind raced back to that memory not too long ago. Ed Sheeran's Shape of You was the song that accompanied our first kiss (also on the playlist!). The night club seem to go out of focus as his soft thin and yet sexy lips touched mine. A confirmation of how much he fancied me.

And from my end, a confirmation that I've gone mad. Yes I knew he fancied me. I would catch him now and again staring at me with those baby blues. How he blushed when we would flirt now and again. But I dismissed it like any sane woman would do.

And like any sane woman, I googled him. Yes yes I kind of knew he has quite a following. Ron, an intern on the last film I worked on and recently promoted as assistant upon graduation, is a self confessed Hiddlestoner. But what I didnt knew that he is loved by millions!

Its bad for your self esteem to know that the guy who may fancy you, is actually the fantasy of millions of other girls and boys out there. You start doubting your gut instinct telling you that he likes you. So far as to dismiss the notion all together. Why does he like you of all people?

And when he does let you know of his feelings, you have already fallen in love with him. The 'internet boyfriend' him. What's not to love? He's gorgeous. Tall, well built, with razor sharp cheekbones and dreamy blue eyes. And he's smart and charming. His positivity and good naturedness is addictive. And all around nice guy. And not too mention funny.

And in reality, he is so much more. There is something quiet mad about him, in a good way, that I like. Always up for any kind of conversation, no matter how silly or downright stupid. And he seems to always put serious thought in every inconsequential and meaningless discussions that we seem to end up going on and on about.

And I get to see his quiet side too. Always observing, always attentive to what the other person is saying and doing. It's as if his super power is to feel the emotional state of the person he interacts with. That is why he generates such a warm presence. You can't help but be drawn to him.

Obviously and realistically... And sanely, I should stay away. First of all I am an average woman. No sonnets have been written about me. I have made my mark in the world as a sharp, confident and hard working, never as a great beauty. And I'm not particularly nice. I have my moments, but I'm not known as the friendly nice girl.

Yes I have had my share of boyfriends telling me how hot or sexy or smart I am to them, but you never take those things to heart. Especially in the film and fashion business, one must be thick skinned when it comes to flattery and criticism. Wait... Not only in the film business but also in life.

I have established myself as strong, willfull and cool. A leader and a woman in charge.

Suddenly my phone beeped. Indicating message received. I quickly opened the chatbox.

T: Good morning beautiful...

And yet here I am. Looking at a text message with dreamy eyes. My mind wandering to the nights, and days, he had me in his arms.  How easily I broke my no stay over on a second date rule. And no sex before a fifth date rule was also out the window.

Yes, I am no innocent victim in all this. I wanted him. I was a concious and willing participant. On the sofa, on the bed, in the shower, on the kitchen counter...

T: Busy? I miss you darling...

My phone beeped again.

"Shut up!" I muttered.

"Yes Kate did you say something?" Ron asked me from across the room. The office is an open plan loft style. It has its perks but when you are caught up in a very girly and dirty fantasy of the man you are secretly seeing, it's kind of a nuisance.

"No Ron... I was just talking to myself" I replied curtly.

Ron shrugged his shoulders and went back to work.

I sighed, going over the words on the chat inbox. I wish he would stop calling me 'darling'. I am no darling. I am fierce and sharp and...

T: Is it lunch time yet? I need to hear your voice.

And scared. He scares me. With his intensity and passion. His all mighty confidence and belief that this is a relationship worth having. What of it's not.

First of all the time issue. When do we have time for a relationship? The long hours we clock in for the sake of our respective profession is brutal. And it is a demanding profession from both our ends. Emotionally and physically.  Especially both of us seem to be cursed with the pursuit of perfection.

I was being realistic when I told him I have my doubts. But his positivity is contagious. Soon I was giving us a chance. Another very willing and eager participant in this dangerous game where we might end up seriously fucked up.

T: Darling you there? Let me know when you're free okay.

I closed the message application and concentrated on the sketch in front of me. I wish relationships are like clothes, either they fit right and make you feel good, or they are just trash. But Tom is so good, too good and that is bad... Really really bad.