Masquerade, A Tom Hiddleston Story

Part 19 "See I'm smilling..."

T: I can't believe they are marketing the film as horror. That trailer is just so wrong.
K: I know.... And to think that G had no say in it is just bogus.
T: G wants us to mention it often during the promotions. I've been saying it to anyone who will listen that Crimson Peak is a 'Gothic Romance' and not horror.
K: Me too.... and then I have to explain what Gothic Romance actually is. I feel like writing a press release and handing it to people I meet.
T: Hahaha... Or make a printed tee shirt. Maybe I should make one and wear it during promotions... Then I can just point.
K: LOL... The October release is also not helping, I think. People have the wrong expectations.
T: I know... It's quite depressing.
K: When do you start promotions?
T: Soon. And then a bit after the premiere. You will be going to NY right? For the premiere?
K: I don't know...
T: Please come... The film needs all the support it can get. I bet G called you already. And we can finally catch up.
K: Yep G is kind of waiting for my answer. Let me check my schedule.
T: C'mon Kate you have to go. For Crimson Peak... For me?
K: Well...
T: You owe it to us.

I close the chat application and locked my phone. It's been two days since that conversation and here I am still checking it every chance I get. Sometimes rereading the whole message and sometimes just obsessing on the last word, 'Us'.

I know the 'us' he is referring to can mean everyone involved in the making of this film... Or is it? We were an 'us' not so long ago. It's not even a year ago that we were in each other's arms, kissing and cuddling. Having the best conversations two people in love can have.

And he did make an offer I still haven't given an answer to.

"Let me just have one day..."

His deep shaky voice, his breath on my cheeks, his strong muscular arms holding me tight... I still get the shivers everytime I retrieve that memory from the back of my mind.

"Hey... I'm sorry about that... The on call Doctor needs my input" Derek, the hot neurosurgeon I'm kind of on a date with just returned to his seat.

"No problem, take your time... Everything okay?" I gave him my best smile.

"Just some pre op questions, nothing major... So where were we?" He took a sip of his dinner wine.

"You were telling me about your trip to Afganistan" I reminded him.

"Right... Well..." He started continuing where he left off.

I gave him my most interested face. But the truth is, I couldn't help comparing him to Tom. I'm such a bitch I know.

I know Derek through Sean of course. He is what you would call, tall dark and handsome. With blue eyes, sharp features and perfect teeth, he could be one of those dreamy doctors on TV. And don't get me started on the hair... Black, curly and bouncy. Enough said.

And he really is an interesting date. Full of heroic doctor stories from his time abroad in war ridden countries. You can also see that he genuinely loves helping people. A good, kind and serious man.

But...

I miss Tom. I miss everything about Tom that Derek is just not. They are as different as night and day. As polar opposites as Thor and Loki... Sorry couldnt help myself.

I miss how Tom would say 'Umm' before and after every other word, clearly thinking how to make his sentence as meaningful and rich as possible. I miss the way he would unconsciously touch his lips when thinking. I miss that adorable wide grin that wrinkles the corners of his eyes. I miss his silly geeky quotes and his dorky cheesy sonnets.

Derek dropped me home that night. He lets me know how wonderful the night has been. He complimented me on my looks and my brain. And then he asked for a second date next weekend. All in all it was a textbook example of a perfect first date.

I took him up on that second date. And we went and watch a nice romantic comedy. We had a delicious sushi dinner followed by a good bottle of sake. It was a wonderful night. Derek is saying all the right things and making all the right moves. He makes me smile.

But...

I want to laugh! I miss singing musical numbers with someone who can play Marius to my Eponine. I miss reciting Shakespeare just because the occasion calls for it (and it always does!). I miss staying up for a Julie Andrews marathon. I miss saying "the rain in Spain" and having someone reply "falls mainly in the plain".

I miss 'Us'.

"I adore you Kate" Derek said somewhere on our 3rd or 4th date.

"Right back at you..." I hear myself say. And then we kissed. A kiss that should be the mark of a new beginning.

But...

Here I am booking a ticket to New York City.