Hidden Close (Jr. Year)

Chapter 38

Part 38 Of The First Draft

“You found Carlie?”

His voice was one of surprise. I couldn't figure it out. For a lamia, it seems like more than a few things escape him. That's okay. It's better that way.

“Yes. She has agreed to be hypnotized. Will that prove her innocence to you?”

Perry’s speech became paused and broken up for a moment, but his submission was unanimous,

“Okay, we'll play it your way, but only because I love you.”

I laughed, flattered by his declaration.

“Darling, that's all I want to hear. I love you, too. I'll see you at school.”

Tomorrow was Thursday. I'm glad that the weekend was soon, but I knew that proving Carlie's innocence will get rid of the bigger problem that we are facing. Mister Paulson's shadow still looms over us heavily. There wasn't much I could do tonight. I got up from the dinner table, curious if Lana will be home before I turn in. She's been so active lately.....it’s amazing to think that she is the same girl who tried to kill herself at the start of this school year. She reminds me of a stronger version of me. Someone who is broken down but still fights. I never believed in anything before her and the Eisens entered my life. What do I believe in now? Just one thing: love. Love is my answer to all of my problems. Even still, this brings up only one thing: why do my problems continue to plague me so? When will I ever be free from all of my cutting, pill-popping, bulimia, depression, and all of my anxiety? My prince has came, but will he ever take me away from all of my pain?

Lana returned home, and smiled at me as she she discovered me laying down in my bed. She commented,

“Nice to see you not cutting for once.”

I replied back to her, with pain in my voice,

“Yes, but it has been a struggle for me not to. I'm always thinking about it when I'm alone. That is when I feel bad.”

The big question came next,

“Why is that, Mindi? The way I see it, you have so many people who love you, including me.”

I started to cry, and as the tears quickly became a downpour, I gave her my answer, myself not knowing what it meant,

“From my understanding, I suffer from depression. I'm not bipolar, but more just one pole. Company is the only thing that keeps me strong, including you. I guess that’s why I'm bisexual, huh?”

What Lana said next was very encouraging,

“No! You are bisexual because that is you. It's not a problem, it's not because of anything, that is just who you are.”

Lana had made me feel special. For once in my life, I felt like someone accepts me for who I am.

“Lana.....thank you. You've made me feel good......and that's something that I don't ever feel. Some day, I just might stop cutting. I hope you can help me with that.”

Lana smiled, shedding a tear of her own.

“I will, Mindi.”

I yawned, feeling my tiredness getting the best of me.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lana. This girl's got to get some sleep.”

The last thing I saw was Lana's pretty face, dressed in her sleek and rather sexy pajamas. I wondered if I could ever be her girlfriend and what it would be like. What I realized is that Perry has made me prefer guys. I don't think I'll ever be straight, but that doesn't mean I'd ever be turned on by other girls or boys. It's one of those mysteries that people don't understand about people who are bi. We aren't just some whores who have to have lovers of either sex at one time. Like Lana said, that is just who I am. There had been many times that I've had to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Often, I felt that I was just some closet nympho. It's not like that, though, and after I had became engaged to Perry, I had finally realized that.

The morning couldn't have came any sooner. My dreams last night were dark and made me feel uneasy. I kept imagining who and what Mr.Paulson was. He had been hunting me with a gun and hounds, and just before the dream has ended, he had found me. Before I could see what his face looked like, I woke up. I had almost wanted to have the dream to continue just so I could see his sorry face. Oh well. It's time to go to school.

Perry was outside beside his car, and I called out to him,

“Hey, Perry! I am happy to see you!”

He smiled, showing his rugged looks off to me, the same ones that make me melt. I got in his car, and he looked over at me, discovering that I was dressed in black from head-to-toe. He commented, after examining my makeup,

“The goth look. Very nice.”

I laughed, and jested with him,

“Now if only my parents will let me get that tattoo of the grim reaper and a tongue piercing.....”

Perry countered with some jesting of his own,

“At least it's something to look forward to....”

The drive to school was over by far too quick. We walked up to the gym area holding each other by the arm, and Perry parted with me to his respective locker room. Becky was in our locker room and she was already changed, her expression one of unusual pep. She rushed over to me, and announced,

“Hey, Mindi! My coach said I’m good enough to tryout to become a cheerleader!”

That explained her strange pep. She'll make it. Then, maybe she can get a girlfriend. Who knows? She will be surrounded by killer babes. I think she's gay...right? She never seems interested in men.

“Great! Maybe I'll finally have a reason to drag Perry to our school's games!”