Hidden Close (Jr. Year)

Chapter 54

Part 54 Of The First Draft

It was an exciting finish to our holidays. On New Year's Eve, we all gathered around at the Eisens to celebrate the coming of a new, and hopefully, peaceful year. Everyone was there, including my parents, Carlie, Becky, her older sister, and Becky's new girlfriend Lisa. All of us were ridiculously overdressed, as if we were seeking a superb kiss from our partners. Even Brad was wearing a tuxedo, one not too different from Perry's, who looked absolutely stunning in it, I might add. His face lit up the room as he played host for Grace during this festive occasion. When we had a chance to sit down and watch the television, he asked me a foreboding question, Perry's tone dry and his abandon bleeding out as he spoke,

“Are you really ready for next year? You know in your heart it will be full of danger and uncertainty.”

I answered Perry's question boldly with a smile, and replied,

“I’m ready for it. I'm stronger than the girl you first met, if you must know.”

Perry, seemingly satisfied, merely responded to me with,

“I know. I truly am lucky. No other girl would have ever been able to handle me.”

He always acts like this. He's always acting like I'm the best thing ever to happen to him. Oh, how little he knows. I always feel like I am not good enough for him. Perry's love for me is always a sort of narrow sight. He sees past all my flaws and holds me above other girls. I've never been entirely sure why his love for me is so great. It may be that he fears that everyone will leave him. His father died and left this world, and his father was very close to him, even closer than his mother. He may love me for the mere reason I never have left him. As for anything else, I do not know. This very conclusion has made me doubt myself every moment I have ever been with him. All doubts casted aside, one thing remains true: Perry is mine and intends on not ever leaving me. He's special in the fact that he never notices or makes a big deal out of the smaller details of our relationship and only focuses on one thing, and that is that we love each other. Well, I have news for you, Perry, I'm not the best thing ever. I'll stay with you, but I hope you see me one day for who I truly am.

“I’m not the greatest thing ever, Perry, but trust me, I'm with you, forever....”

The countdown began, and I locked my eyes on his as he held me close.

“6....5.....4......3.....2.....1....”

He tightened our embrace, and everyone disappeared around us as we shared in a passionate New Year's kiss, one that was open-mouthed and lasted longer than normal. His breath was hot although his body was cool to the touch. His heartbeat, which I could feel however, was steady and loud. I could easily tell we were both fully into the kiss. After we had finished our deep and full kiss, all of us began to laugh, our happiness unanimous. Grace grabbed our attention, and led us in a heartfelt toast,

“This evening, as we celebrate the new year, I give a toast to our survival. May we survive the attacks of our many potential assailants to come!”

She couldn’t have said it any better. Our lives promise only two things: love and eternal conflict. As much as I wish it were so, we will never be safe. This isn't a fairytale, there is no happily ever after. Although I have my prince I know there will never be a magical castle to live in, keeping me safe in my prince's arms. There is only terror lurking in each and every place that we dare to travel. Though there is one thing that I know for sure: this may not be a safe life but to me, it's better than what I had before I met Perry last year. My life was dangerous back then, too, with my constant thoughts of suicide and failed attempts, much like the ones in Lana's recent past. Now, I'm trying to live, I have friends, and I have a boyfriend that loves me enough to marry me. I love him, and although I sometimes have my doubts, I want nothing more than to marry Perry as well. I have a life to live, and I'll fight off countless foes just to see it through.

Life is never perfect, but as the days pass and I find myself back in school I found many things to be grateful for. Our new semester starts soon, and I am lucky because I have managed to be placed in two periods with Perry, second and fourth, and one with Becky, my third period. There is one thing that has been strange lately. Becky has been acting different around me again, and I believe that she has lost interest in Lisa already. Her attention is always on me when Lisa is around, and I believe that she is trying to make Lisa break up with her. I confronted Becky about it, my tone accusatory,

“Why don't you just tell Lisa that you don't like her?”

Becky seemed confused, and apologized,

“I don't know what you are trying to say, but I....am sorry.”

Becky then turned around and walked the other way quickly, and I finally got it. Becky still has feelings for me. Becky didn't want Lisa merely based on the fact she isn't me. Her obsession for me had never died. I wanted to chase after her and tell Becky that I would never be hers because my love for Perry is too great, but I found myself unable to. Not because I was trying not to hurt her but because it was simply untrue. I have feelings for Becky as I have had since I met her. I have put them secondary only becuase I feel more love for Perry. I knew it was wrong, but I can't deny how I feel. I need to tell him about it. Perry deserves to know.