excuses (REWRITE + NEW UPDATES)

drinking, drinking, dread

MAY 14,2018.
HYUK KWON
2:35 AM

Kwon was no longer standing on his own. his right hand held himself up against a bench while his left loosely held a what-some empty bottle of vodka. he knew he was drowning, it was kinda funny to him, seeming that he listens to people poison themselves to sleep yet he felt no slumber. he felt the liquor sinking into his blood turning it into a poisonous toxic. his mind was no longer his as if he signed the right of his thoughts over to the bottle.

He no longer could write; its like she took his ability to hold a pencil. he could no longer breath; like the winds were punishing him for being blind. he could no longer be him, all he could find himself being was her shadow. He thought he had her in his grip but he knew he would never reach such achievement.

"what a waste." Kwon slanged a coffin-nail between his lips while his index rubbed at his uneven stubble, not caring about missing his weekly shave. his nose was stained with her scent. What a drug-like a scent it was. His nose would twitch every time someone walked by; wondering if they smelled somewhat like her. As if he was looking for his last hit. each time he would find someone that did, he would feel himself turn into a mess of tears. kwon dragged out his lighter, hating that his favourite object soon became something he couldn't bear to look at.

flicking the cancer stick from his teeth while slamming himself into the bench that once supported him. He felt tears spark at the corner of his eyes unwillingly. he drew a large and long inhale while staring at his lighter, watching the moon's light beam off the surface. just watching; somehow wishing it would turn into her.

"God, how did this happen." kwon mumbled, tossing the lighter to the ground, hoping darkness would comfort him. kwon didn't want to see light nor feel its warm embrace, he felt the need of darknesses' cold silence and long sugarless nights.

everything was bitter just like her name. yet he found it so sweet; as if he was a child again, riding the excitement of sugar-high until he felt like space was no longer impossible. but this was crash and this crash felt like hell. fuck this shitーkwon took another swing at the bottle, trying to hiding something within the bitter swallow but each time he tasted, he felt her more.