BULLIED 2

Submission 1189

In primary school I was bullied, but not in the same way as I saw the people on TV be bullied so I didn't think it was serious. I suffered from social anxiety and severe persistent depressive disorder. I wouldn't talk to people, or play games because I was to scared, or couldn't find it in me to want to join them, I would only scowl from the corner. 

 Eventually my so called "friend" started to scream at me, saying things like how much she hated me, how she wished I didn't exist, running away from me and telling me that she never wanted to see me again. People would stare at me in fear as I walked past, because I was the grumpy girl. 

 I started to hate myself, wishing for my own death, trying to kill myself in states of a panic attack, only to have the knife or other weapon ripped away from me, I wouldn't sleep at night, just cried and I would barely eat anything. 

 As I got older, people started to assume that I just hated the world and every different type of being in it, and called me names, but not like freak or weirdo, but told me I was racist, or selfish and it hurt me even more. 

 I told my parents about how I felt, but not that I was being bullied (because at that time I didn't see at as bullying, just as people communicating with me), at first they were worried, and it felt good that someone cared, but as the panic attacks became more frequent they started to tell me I was nothing but a drama queen, I was doing it all for attention and in the most severe of my panic attacks, I was a psycho, or nothing but a, and I quote "mental fucking basket case". while they thought they are helping, this just added to the list if things I hated about myself. 

 At the end of it, I was so happy that I was moving schools to a high school where no one knew me. Now I am not known as the grumpy girl, but as the sarcastic, funny, overly kind, liked by everyone fangirl that is the glue of her closest friends because she is the only one who knows how to control their anger without becoming the victim of it, and she always knows exactly what to say if one of them is upset (this is something I quote from them, I consulted them for this). I can tell them everything, and the closest of them know about the illnesses I suffer from, and help me through it everyday. 

My advice, as cliched as it seems, is that they don't define you. You don't have to cry for them, you don't have to smile for them, you don't have to change who you are to make them happy. If you find your friends, who your REAL friends are, then you will not have to change a single thing for them, in fact they will change to help you if anything. IT may seem hard to find this group of people, but they do exist, you just have to find them.