Letters for Red

the beginning of the end.

I guess you can say I felt it coming, but I payed no mind to it. I just wanted you, and us to last as long as possible. I know I didn't know you for a long time, but it's said that love isn't measured by the amount of time you know a person, but by the moments that make it worthwhile, you can fall in love with someone in an instant not having to know them for a long time at all. I think that happened to me. You completely changed my life when I first met you, from the very first "Hello Girl" you captivated my attention. However, I think that in our 'relationship' the feelings weren't mutual. I guess you're used to having girls be star struck by your presence that it didn't phase you one bit. There's not a day I don't think of you, and even though we don't talk anymore, there's so much I wish I could tell you. Sometimes when I'm on the road listening to the radio a song comes on that reminds me of what once was, and I get the urge to text you and tell you how much I still love you, but then I realize I can't do that anymore. So I just sit there in the car thinking of you. It's pretty sad I know. I'm pathetic; I know that also. But can you blame me!? I fell completely head over heels for you, and you? You couldn't care less. I was just another girl to you. Another toy, til a better one came along. There's always something that reminds me of you, I see, hear, or smell a certain thing, and it takes me back to certain memories of you; of conversations between you and I that were so meaningless yet at the same time meant the world to me. They were ours, and ours only; conversations between you and I, intimate ones that i would have liked to share with the world because i was so amazed by your sense of humor, your beauty, your grace. However I didn't in fear that others would begin to see you how I saw you, you were mine and I was yours. Hearing you call me yours brought such happiness and joy, a level of euphoria I could never explain, it was overwhelming and I loved every second of it, but now.... now you're not mine and I am not yours, I don't know perhaps you have found another girl, a better girl that you hold tightly in your arms while you sleep, that gets to caress your soft beautiful skin, kiss your inviting lips. A better girl than I, no matter how much the thought of another holding your heart makes mine ache, there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry but the memories build up and leave me with open wounds and reopens fading scars. I miss you darling, so so much. I wish you understood just how much you've impacted my life. Even though you are not here anymore, I'm grateful I met you. I don't think I'll ever find someone as good as you. You honestly are my first and most important love. I'm pathetic writing this, I know you'll never read it, but a girl can only dream. I still love you Ducky with everything I have.