Letters for Red

December 26, 2019 ~ 12:28 a.m.

Hey,
I don't know if I'm finally accepting the fact that you and I were just a few chapters in each other's lives. And not how the book of our lives concluded. I still think of you. There are still so many things that remind me of you. There are moments when I'm doing something, and my mind wanders to you.
How is she? Is she okay? Is she healthy? Is she happy? Is she safe? Is her heart satisfied?
I lose myself in these questions and so many more, then My mind wanders to memories. 2 years and 7 months my heart has lived off of dreams and memories of you and I. Do you still think back to the memories we made? There are moments in which I feel terrified that I have completely lost you. I was a fool darling. I have learned and grown so much since you and I parted ways. I always told myself that I always tried to fight for you. That I gave you my all, but now I begin to wonder. What if I didn't? I was in such a dark and scary place when we met. I was full of shame, pain, betrayal, immaturity, and darkness. You were like a breath of fresh air. But I was still too wrapped up in myself and everything I went through growing up to actually give you my all. I gave you bits and pieces. And the bits I gave were full of negativity. You fought to free me from myself. I'm forever grateful.