Letters for Red

March 25, 2019

Last night, I fell asleep thinking of you. I dreamt of you. You were so still and so silent watching me. Waiting for something that I no longer wanted to give you because you had hurt me far too much. Last night I dreamt that as you watched me pack my bags and you felt the silence and the tension, you still remained silent and still as well, however it wasn't until I had finished packing my bag and was beginning to walk out the door, that you realized I wouldn't give into you anymore. Not again. So you panicked. You grabbed my arm and stopped me. For the first time in months you said something to me. "You're not gonna say anything?" You looked so sad. But I couldn't give in. I was more angry than sad at that moment so I responded, "what do you want me to say? To ask you why you've been ignoring me? Why you can't even respond to my messages? Is that what you want to hear?" Finally you had managed to get some reaction out of me, and you saw my hurt and anger, and as I looked into your eyes I saw that you too were hurting, I however did not expect for you to pull me into a hug and comfort me. But you did and at first I resisted, I didn't want to give in, but my heart was bleeding and there was no turning back. So I finally hugged you back and I cried and I felt your arms around me and I whispered to myself hoping and praying that this was real and not a dream. Then, I woke up. It was only just a dream. So I lasted in bed, hugged my pillow a little tighter and silently cried. My sorrow became overwhelming. I couldn't believe it was just a dream. My heart hurt and still hurts.