Letters for Red

April 8, 2018

Please. Please explain to me or show me how the fuck do I erase you from my memory? It's been MONTHS and I still can't seem to get you out of my fucking head. Baby I miss you. Rachelle my love, the memories of you sting so much. I think about you. Your personality, your wit, your intelligence, your beauty and my heart aches so fucking much. I'm trying darling. I promise you i really am, but how does one forget their first love? How does one forget what made me so happy, how can I possibly forget the woman that made my demons quiet down? You meant so much to me doll. The way you carried yourself. The words you used. Your smile. Your beautiful brown eyes. Full of mischief, and so much knowledge, curiosity and wonder. Your hands beautiful, seductive and enticing. Your lips, that made a storm of butterflies erupt in my tummy, with just contemplating your smile made my day, when you smirked caused so many emotions it gave me whiplash. Your hair adorning your face falling in the way you've sculpted it so perfectly. Everything about you. I've tried to move on I promise. I finally deleted everything of you in my devices. But still I remember every single detail of your being. It's burned in my mind. I long for you to come back to me. I promise you ever since the day we last talked I have thought about you every single day afterwards, not a day goes by that I don't remember you, or miss you. Some nights I dream of you coming back to me. Do you know how much it hurts to wake up in the morning realizing it was just a dream? It hurts. I feel like I'm being tortured. I try to forget you, move on and try to find someone else, but there's a voice in the back of my mind that tells me "no one will ever be better than Red" and I decide to just stop looking for someone to help me forget you, and I once again begin to reminisce on our memories, what we had. I have nothing left other than to lose my self in an abyss of tears sadness and pain. I have nothing left than to say that what we had is the most precious memory I will forever cherish in my heart. I lived those days in love completely and utterly in love, even though I was completely wrong, still to me it was such a beautiful time. I hoped to my very core that you would stay with me, love me as I do you, but oh the surprise and pain I felt when I realized it would never come... however I still had that small spec of hope and saved it in my heart, to be crushed with the harsh truth. Red, I don't think you'll ever realize just how much you meant and continue to mean to me. I'm trying love. I promise I'm really trying to get over you bunny. I promise.