The Truth.

May 15,2014

Well.. Where do I start? It's the beginning of today and by beginning I mean it's really late or.. Really early? I've no idea! It's about 2-3 in the morning.. And I'm feeling exhausted emotionally and physically. I have this feeling like Ill never be able to sleep again? Like sleep doesn't matter. I feel like the only thing that matters now is .. Well I'm not sure? What matters to you , might not matter to me. And vice versa.. But isn't that the main reason for all the conflict in history? Or atleast a good portion of history?

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Well, it's still the 15th, I just fell asleep earlier. lately I haven't been going to bed at the appropriate times.. I don't know why.. Maybe it's because I'm stressed of the fact that I can barely live normal life outside of a facility. It feels .. weird, almost wrong not having a staff keep track of everything I do and have therapists overwhelm me with work and lessons.. There's just too much time now.. Too much time to think, and ponder, the consequences of if I do this. The consequences of if I do that. There's consequences to everything whether they are good or bad right? So what's the consequence of doing something good for you that's bad to everyone else? would you change your point of view on its good to you? And Vice Versa.. So many ways to phrase that sentence.. So many possibilities.. Maybe I'm just rambling on? Its quite possible. I suppose I'll write before I go to bed.. It'd only be right.. Or would it? Hmm..

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Well, I decided to come back.. But I'm most likely not going to bed soon.. My mom said 9 tonight or else I didn't get to go to this camp thing at church and no phone. So I agreed.. I don't care too much about the camp. But she knew I couldn't do well without my music. My music is my muse, my inspiration.. My main brain flow thought process. If it were possible I'd eat, sleep, breathe, and continue to dream music. So I guess I'm just sitting here in my bed, covered up in my blanket with two cats with me. One on my blanket , one asleep on my arm.. Did I mention I'm a lonesome cat lady? No? Well I'm a big animal lover and most of my pets were rescued. I have 5 cats,1 dog , and some fishes. Since most people don't count "stuffed" animals as real things.. But they come alive at night! I swear! Oh, and some call me childish, where as some call me mature. Maybe I'm childishly Mature? To be truly honest.. It depends on the person and my mood. For example: Most of the time I'm in a down mood, so I act as happy as a depressed teen could act , usually, this also usually results in childish behaviors. And sometimes when I'm mad I'm more mature because I'm in a more " I'll logically prove you wrong while being sarcastic" mood. And I'm rambling on again, aren't I ? I'm sorry.. I could find one thing and stick with it for awhile until it makes utterly no sense at all.. But I guess that might be most girls in this messed up world of our.. I kind of want to rant about our messed up world.. But I've already said way too much for one day. I think I might go spend time with the family instead of isolating myself (and my cats) from the rest if the house and eventually.. The rest of the world. I guess I'll test the theory of " If you don't participate in life, you're not living!" But the thing is , what if I'm NOT living? if I'm just a bunch of jumbled up memories and emotions squished in a shell called " The Human Body" .. ? Is it possible? Maybe .. I've no idea.. But maybe I will.. Maybe I will..

Sincerely,

Me?

^~^

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