The Truth.

May 20,2014.

Well.. Today went really well.. I came extremely close to relapse but I didn't cut! I'm so.. Proud..? It feels wrong saying proud.. I feel like I'm being selfish when I say I'm proud, yet.. That's what I am! I'm proud of how I handled today and the events that led up to right now. I'm in bed, and I can't help but think.. "You got down a couple of times today but you got back up and transformed hate into hope." I did get down , I had that razor in hand and I knew where the keys were to unlock the chest full of pills. I had the chance and as soon as the razor touched my skin my body wanted more than a touch.. It wanted my wrists to be kissed by the razor.. Just one kiss and I can go on with my day.. Then my heart came in and said " I know you want to feel something besides dead, and I know you feel like you'll never get out of bed but can't you see it's just demons messing up your head..?" And that rhymed.. Well then.. Anyways.. When I heard my heart say that my brain replied and said " Listen to your heart, that's what's been feeling all this sorrow and I know you really wanna see tomorrow .. But you gotta fight! See I'm the brains of this equation and I .. I know you're thinking through this hesitation. But you gotta think of the consequences, the audiences that will cry if you die, so don't say goodbye. Just say 'Good try fate, trying to get me to self - hate, well you're already too late! See I'm stronger than you think and I'll last longer than anything you try to pull on me, so keep trying and I'll keep writing' . "

And no, my brain and heart did not literally have and inspirational rap battle kind of talk to me.. I'm just saying, I thought things through and realized that people do care.. And so what if they don't?! If they don't care about me now, why let them "care" about me later? Oh, and college classes are pretty ok so far, Not as good as I expected.. As in I'm not putting enough effort into studying ax I should... But I guess that's just me? Anyways.. I'm beginning to ramble as always.. So I suppose I'll just go now! And thank you.. For reading this.. I owe you a picture of a panda .. Alrighty! Bai!

Sincerely,

Me.

^~^

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