Shattered

Fragile

Sophomore year came by, which meant only a few months have gone by since Damon and I split up. He would tend to go by after his classes at the college that he attends right next to our high school, but Damon wouldn't come up to me or even talk to me because of how afraid he was of Hazel. Regardless of the fact that we were over, he would still call me with an unknown number and not say anything when I would pick up. I knew it was him because he always had the television on in his house and the tv was the only thing I would hear when I would pick up the phone. So, I was finally free from him, sort of, but it's better than nothing.

It's a new year, but I'm still the same girl with anxiety. I was always the same girl in depression but faking a smile in front of everyone to make it seem like I was happy. To make it look like I was okay. The abuse that I experienced with Damon was going to leave me scarred forever. I knew I would never be the same no matter how hard I may try. I'm not the only one who has dealt with an abusive partner.

One in three adolescents in the United States has been a victim of some form of abuse. Only one-third of teens end up reporting it. How can you say something like that about someone you once loved? How can you state something like that when you're afraid of having your reputation be tarnished? On an average, twenty people are going through abuse by an intimate partner every minute in the United States. Abuse isn't something easy to come out about. Not everyone would understand why you stayed so long because sometimes even you don't know why you waited so long. If I was walking down the street, or if you were my family member and we were having lunch together, you can't see that I'm being abused. No doctor, no matter how fantastic of a doctor they may be, they wouldn't be able to see the pain you've been witnessed. No parent, no matter how loving and caring they are towards their child, would be able to see the pain their child is going through if the child doesn't don't want them to see it. No one would be able to see the pain you are going through if you choose not to show it.

I just gave you facts in the paragraph before this one. Abuse isn't something that is spoken out loud about in front of everyone. I wouldn't be able ever to come forward and say, "Hey, I've been through abuse because of a bastard that didn't know how to control his temper." It's not easy. If someone ever chooses to open up to you about the abuse they've been through, don't make them feel bad for not being able to get out of it sooner. Don't make them feel bad for not telling someone sooner. Don't make them feel bad! Abuse is a delicate situation to deal with, and a lot of people do not understand that. We don't know how we got ourselves into this position and we do not understand why we stayed so long.

Sophomore year was going by slow like it was never going to end. A high school, in general, felt like it was never going to end. I was in a fragile state, but I was able to stay sane because of Hazel. We would always be in the halls, or in class, laughing and making jokes about the most irrelevant things possible. People would be so irritated of how loud we were, or how "immature" we were being, but Hazel and I didn't care. Things slowly started to change my life once again.

Alex was a new kid in our school, who had ocean blue, sparkling eyes with blond hair. He was the hilarious guy that I had English with, and he always cracked jokes to make us all laugh. He would still be playful with me, and Hazel started to notice that. Alex started to walk me to class, and he began to spend more time with me in school and outside of school. This whole situation with Alex bothered Hazel so much because she felt like there was something odd about him, but I didn't care because of how blind I was because he showed that he cares.

I opened up to Alex about the abuse, the self-harm, the depression, the anxiety and he was so accepting about it, but don't ask me why I willingly opened up about myself to him. To be honest, I shouldn't have opened up, but he cares. He would always be there for me and show me he loved me. All I could think was, "Oh my god, he cares about me." That's when everything was about to change. When Alex showed he cared, I became attached to him. Yes, maybe I should have used my brain in this situation, and chose not to be with him, mainly because I just dealt with an abusive relationship. I don't know. I am filled with hope, and it may be cliché, but I wanted to love. I wanted true love. I had to find it, and I wasn't stopping now, not just because of a guy that didn't know how to have respect for a girl and abused her.

Hazel would always nag me about Alex. She would just criticize how he was a waste of time, or he was playing me, but all this was doing to me was just irritating me. Hazel and I began to argue, and fight more than ever because we were just not getting along about this whole situation that I shared with Alex. There were many times when Alex would try to talk to Hazel and get on her right side, but Hazel would just ignore him and walk away. Hazel being like this towards Alex was just getting me angry and making me argue with her. I'm happy with Alex, and Hazel does not understand that was just irritating me. I was so pleased he cared about me, and I was finally with a guy that wasn't abusing me. I was finally with someone that bothered to listen to me and love me, but little did I know that I was just at a fragile state and any love or care that was presented to me was only accepted because I was fragile.