Shattered

User

Alex and I would spend so much time together that Hazel used to get annoyed at me. Hazel never gets annoyed at me for no reason; she always has an idea. She didn't like Alex; she couldn't explain why but she didn't. Regardless of what Hazel said, I stayed with him.

At the time I was with Alex, I don't even know why I was with him because yes, I did think I was falling for him, but then again, I was just happy to have someone care about me besides Hazel. It felt good to have someone that was there for you that wasn't just your best friend, but then again was he there for me?

Alex was a sweet, loving, funny guy, but he wasn't as caring and friendly as I thought he was. Alex and I were together until the end of the sophomore year until I found out a lot of things from this girl in our school, who was known for being aware of everything and anything that was going on in the daily lives of the students in our school. Before I get to the messy end, let me tell you a little bit about the relationship.

Alex and I were known as a "couple" in our school. I put the word "couple" in quotation marks because Alex and I never confirmed to anyone that we were a couple. Yes, apparently people got a confirmation that we were dating whenever he would hold my hand or give me a goodbye kiss before I went into my class, but you know what I mean. Alex never wanted to make the relationship official. He just wanted to be together, and see where it went.

I would make plans with him to go out on a date on specific dates, but he would be too busy to see me. He always had an excuse for why he couldn't see me; he was an excellent liar. Keep in mind I was too blind to see all of this in the beginning. I tried to be understanding and not be clingy, but this ended up making me look stupid. Whenever I made plans, and he couldn't make it, I would just say it was okay and leave it alone. In the meantime, he was out with other girls, not all at once of course; he would make each one of them feel special and make each one of them feel like they were the only one. He always told me he had basketball practice, or he was with family so that I wouldn't guilt him into seeing me. But yes, I know I know I am somewhat stupid for being so blind when it comes to this situation.

I don't know; I thought he loved me because of how sweet he was. Whenever I was with him, he made sure to kiss my forearm and tell me that I'm perfect for my imperfections. He made sure to say to me always that I was strong and I could never be taken down. He made sure to tell me that he loved me. He kissed my forehead and told me he would never leave me or hurt me the way Damon did. He made me feel special in ways that I didn't know existed, but he managed somehow to make me forget that he was lying right in front of my face. He made sure to tell me what I wanted to hear, and he knew that I would believe him, because why would I not find someone that I love?

One day Kim, the gossip, came up to me saying, "Hey, I need to talk to you. Please meet me at courtyard after English." I agreed to meet her because the way she was speaking to me made it seem like it was urgent and essential.

As I walked out of school, I saw Hazel coming my way.

"Do you want to get a bite to eat? I'm starving!" Hazel exclaimed. I said, "I'm sorry, I can't right now. I have to meet up with Kim." "Kim? Why Kim? Is everything okay?" Hazel seemed worried, but I just walked away from her and towards the courtyard.

Yes, I understand that I was a bitch to her, but I was so anxious to know what Kim had to say. I went up to Kim, and she sat me down on a nearby bench in the courtyard and started to speak.

"I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to. I should've told you earlier, but I wasn't able to." I got this horrible feeling in my stomach, and my heart started pounding so hard. "Alex isn't who you think he is. I understand if you don't believe me, but just hear me out. Alex has been cheating on you for the past several months. Many girls will come and tell you that he has been, including me. I'm sorry! I didn't know how serious you guys were, but he came on to me at the party in Julia's house and he told me you guys weren't together and I went for it. I'm so sorry. He has been lying to you about everything."

My heart started to race, and I could feel the pounding in my chest. My eyes filled up with tears, and I just stormed out of the courtyard. Hazel ran after me. I ran into the woods that wasn't too far away from our school and dropped my things on to the dirt, and I fell to my knees. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I don't know where Hazel disappeared to because she was right behind me but I guess I lost her. I couldn't think about that at the moment. I couldn't breathe, and I was just crying so much. I took out my makeup bag from my bag and took out the razor that was hidden in a secret pocket, and pulled up my sleeves and tore my arm apart. The blood was dripping down my arms as I was balling my eyes out and tried to catch my breath.

"Oh my god!" Hazel yelled. "What have you done? Why would you do that to yourself? What did Kim say to you?" I explained to Hazel everything that Kim had told me, and Hazel's jaw dropped. She couldn't believe the things I was saying to her. "Oh my god that user! I'm going to kill him!" Hazel stood up to go back towards the school but I grabbed her leg, and she dropped on the floor too. I didn't want her to get involved. I knew I had to take care of this myself. I yelled, "Please don't go! Please don't take care of this right now! Please stay with me! Please, Hazel!" I pleaded and just cried my heart and soul out to her. I could not believe the amount of pain I was feeling, primarily because of how wrong I was. How could I have been so wrong about a person? He loved me. He loved me. He had to have loved me, but how do you hurt someone you love? I just don't understand. How? He introduced me to his sister, and took me out to dates, and did all these beautiful things, but lies to me and hurts me, knowing the amount of pain that I have been through.