Wake. UP. [Book Two]

A Letter To My Unborn Daughter

From inmate 72997,
My Confession

If you're reading this, then first off, happy birthday. I feel horrible for not being able to be there with you and celebrate, but I love you and wish you many more years to follow.

This is hard for me, considering I've never written a letter to anyone as special as you before. This may not seem like much of a big deal to you, but this is like walking on the moon for me. I decided to write to express the side no one got to see. The side I had to hide, so I could be "normal". The sad part was, hiding my flaws didn't make me normal, but made me go insane. I lost my mind.

It started when I was young. I never liked to share, no matter what it was; food, toys, money etc. I became possessive over my belongings and hated to see others using them. I had a group of friends that I liked being around, but secretly despised. Because I was the youngest, they thought it was okay to pick on me, about everything. My height, my taste in music, everything about me was the topic of their daily comedy show. And I put up with it for YEARS, because I thought they were the only people I could trust. It wasn't until I met this beautiful young girl, that they proved that theory wrong.

She was a shy person, never partyed, was good in school and I wanted her. I would quietly write love poems about her, but was never courageous enough to present them to her. I thought I'd be laughed at, by my so-called friends, or rejected by her. So, I hated myself everyday as I watched her. I resented myself for not making a move, until I decided to tell somebody. And who better than a homie?

I regretted that decision for the remainder of my life. After I told him I liked her, he began talking to her in ways I could only dream of. I hated him even more on the inside for doing what I wanted to do, but who's fault was it, really? I felt like he betrayed me and I was beyond infuriated. I was jealous, and in the worse way. He took something from me, something I thought was mine. I watched them blossom into a young couple. It pained me, and it showed through my attitude. I got into regular fights with four of my other friends weekly. They said they couldn't tolerate my behavior anymore and wanted to throw me out the group. But before they could, I met someone else.

Her name was Justine and she was more around my age, unlike the first female I fell in love with. She had beauty and class, which I respected. We got together around the springtime and everything was back to the way it was supposed to be. I was happier and more pleasant around my companions. Then, my obsession and possessiveness kicked in, whenever I saw her talking to one of my friends. I didn't realize how much of a flirt she was. Anytime we were out, she'd flirt with other men behind my back. She never thought I knew, but that horrible, sinister, deep voice in the back of my mind knew EVERYTHING. How, I don't know, but he kept me in the loop.

I thought he was like a guardian angel, protecting me from bad people. I thought he was looking out for me, but I was mistaken. It never clicked until now, after sitting in this rotten cell with these fufu ass niggas, that all he wanted was to kill me. He had it in for me, once I showed just how crazy I could be.

He told me to kill her, because she found out she was pregnant, by another man. He had me strangle her because she stepped outside our relationship. At first, I didn't want to, but once I got a taste for blood, I wanted more.

We fought over her cheating on me, and I hit her. She was shocked, because I never hit her before. So she tried to hit me back, but missed and I ended up pushing her back up against the wall. She gasped for air, in the clutches of my bare hands. All I saw was red after that. Eventually, it had gotten to the point, of me stuffing her dead body in a garbage bag. I took the bag and drove to the nearest empty lot I could think of and buried the body seven feet under. And once I made sure her body was securely hidden, I went home.