W T F

Not A Burglar

You know the best feeling? Eatin ice cream outside in the freezing cold.

No wonder everyone was looking at me weird... BUT ICE CREAM IS FOR ALL YEAR ROUND YAYYYY

Anywho... and so it begins.

I flushed the toilet, gently closed the lid over it, and washed my hands as quietly as I could. Suddenly I heard footsteps heading for the bathroom. My eyes widened and I swore under my breath. Immediately I switched off the light in the bathroom, hoping they'd walk right past as I frantically scanned the bathroom for a place to hide. There was none.

It wasn't that out of the ordinary for people to go to the bathroom at 4 in the morning, but for the people of the house, it was. I knew this because I'd carefully watched the inhabitants of the house for a week to find out the times no one went to the bathroom. That time had been 4am. But of course, there just had to be an exception today.

The door swung open. At the sight of me standing there guiltily, the man in his twenties glared. He didn't raise his voice for fear of waking his children, but I could see he was trembling with anger. "What'd you steal, burglar?"

At his insulting words, I couldn't help but scowl indiginantly. "Did you just call me a burglar?"

That didn't calm his anger one bit. "I don't have time to argue with a Burglar," he spat. "Now give me back what yo stole before I call the cops."

"I didn't steal anything."

"Doubt it. Why else would you be here at this ungodly time, rummaging through the bathroom?"

I laughed. "I was not rummaging through your bathroom; I was using your bathroom."

Silence.

"Pardon?"

"I broke into your house- "

"AHA! So you are a burglar!"

Frowning at his interruption, I went on to add, "And I broke into your house to use your bathroom."

"What? Do you think me stupid?"

Yes. "I'm not lying. Check my pockets if you wish."

He took out his phone. "I'm calling the cops."

Well, I had no need to stay here- I'd  already done my business, after all. "Call them if you want." Then I shoved past him and ran out the door, leaving him in his house in a state of confusion.

It was quite insulting, really. I'd done hours of research, a week of watching and taking notes, and a week of studying everything in his house before finding the perfect night and time for using his bathroom, for what? To be called a burglar?

Earlier in the week, some dangerous people had taken notice of my meticulous practices and careful observation. They'd asked me if I wanted to join a group of thieves. They'd said my role would be to scope out a place and make a detailed plan for them to safely break in and leave without having to do unecessary killing, as the killings made it easier for the government to find them.

I, of course, had refused. Obviously, only finding out who's bathroom to use next was worth all that careful research and, as I like to call it, Bathroom Hopping. Why didn't I just use my own bathroom?

Ladies and Gentlemen... how about I introduce you to the water bill.

Ok yeah that wasn't that humorous... SOWWYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I must admit, that may have been the dumbest chapter yet, which is saying a lot... sorry about this disappointment. Will ice cream in the cold winter months make up for it?