that moment when you hold in your tears so that he wouldn't feel guilty and feel like he's a bad person for rejecting you.
that's right.
he rejected me.
it hurts. it really does.
but what's more surprising is that i cried.
i didn't cry the last time i got rejected.
but this particular time made me really hurt.
i never expected for him to have the same feelings.
i never expected to reciprocate anything.
i never expected anything from him. because i know i'll always get hurt.
i asked if he wants for me to remove the feelings i have for him. he hesitated and looked at me like he was still debating if he would hurt me by saying yes.
i noticed and encouraged him to say what he truly feels.
he said yes. that i should throw away my feelings for him. that i should let him go.
i don't blame him for rejecting a girl like me.
i don't blame him for anything because i'm the one to blame.
i'm the one who developed feelings.
i'm the one who liked him so fearlessly.
but at the end, i'm the one who got hurt.
i have no problem with it.
i was holding my tears because i don't want him to see me crying and in pain.
i don't want him to feel guilty.
i don't want him to feel like he hurt a girl who simply has feelings for him.
all i have to do is to pretend like it's really okay when it's truly not.
i decided that i will let him go.
they asked if he would still be my prom date.
he still said yes.
the pain i'm feeling right now is something i never felt before. it's almost like i truly feel something but it took me rejection to realize everything.
i'm used to being rejected.
but never in my life, i cried and felt pain like this.
and December 10, 2017 is the day that hurts the most.
but i have to look fine even if i am not.
i fell deep in the sea called love and i can't swim back to the surface.
i never expected anything because at the end of the day, i would be the one who's gonna get hurt.
i guess all i have to do is to act okay.
