By Any Other Name

Three

The first part of the day, for Julia, she spent in quiet reflection out on the small balcony of her room. There were still more questions than answers. Questions of therapy for her, which she was in, but maybe the focus needed changing and she needed a new one for that, therapy for him and whether or not he'd be inclined to go, and if not, should that be a hard limit, and therapy for the both of them. Honestly, that idea didn't appeal to her. She'd been with him long enough to be fully cognizant that anything said in couples therapy, would come back and be used as a weapon later if an argument happened. He was a master at taking her words and turning them around to use against her. Not being a fighter, and a strong dislike, maybe even fear, of confrontation, would send her into a panic. The whole fight or flight mechanism would kick in eventually, but being so taken aback, she was unable to do either. She didn't fight that way, she didn't fight dirty. She didn't really fight at all. She'd go away, look at the situation and come back to talk about it in a civilized adult manner. Obviously he never had adult behavior modeled for him. Ultimately that didn't matter, she hadn't had adult behavior modeled for her either, and she managed to figure it out, with the help of a therapist, of course.

Why was she still with him? That was the elephant-sized question in the room. He wasn't all bad. Things like this last fight only happened occasionally. The fighting wasn't constant. Ignoring it was hard, though, the last fight they had, she hadn't backed down and neither had he and it did substantial damage to their relationship. Was it beyond repair? Perhaps not. Would it take a lot of work to fix it and for her to regain the trust? Absofuckinglutely. The most probable reason this last fight was so bad, was he could feel that she wasn't playing ball anymore, and had stepped back emotionally, a bit. So, to counteract, his drastic accusations and digs that hit at the base of their entire marriage, was enough to send her away for a couple of days to figure things out. That's how she ended up at the hotel. Why she ended up in someone else's bed, she wasn't sure.

There was definitely some guilt bubbling up about the encounter, but, not as much as she thought. In a few days, that might change. Here she was isolated and in a bubble, so this didn't feel like real life. After thinking about it, she supposed it wasn't that big of a mystery how she'd slept with someone else. She'd felt unseen, and unimportant. Truth be told, she had felt this way for a while, but brushed it off, ignored it, sure it was just her and her insecurities. Well, that didn't happen in a vacuum. How bad it had become, she hadn't realized. Sure she should have spoken up, but that's not her forte. Having been rejected any number of times, putting yourself out there is scary. And yes, it shouldn't be with your partner, but there it is. How did it get to be like this? When did they get so distant? This wasn't something that happened in a month or two, this was obviously a slow-growing fissure.

Tired of listening to her own whiney thoughts, Julia grabbed her purse and sunglasses and headed out. Finding a gourmet deli in the area, she bought a selection of meats, cheeses, bread, vegetables, and fruit, along with some wine two plastic glasses and a bag to carry it all. During her shopping, her phone buzzed and she quelled a feeling of dread. When she saw it was Richard she smiled. On the screen read

Pretty W.: Knock knock

Julia: Who's there?

Pretty W.: Idaho

Julia: Idaho who?

Pretty W.: Idaho! Where da John?

Julia groaned a the not so subtle Pretty Woman Joke.

Julia: How long did it take you to find that joke on the internet