By Any Other Name

Nine

Previously in By Any Other Name...

When that kiss ended, before she could say anything, he spoke. All he said was, "Please."

And now the continuation...

When that kiss ended, before she could say anything, he spoke. All he said was, "Please," his eyes darting between hers. She nodded and they kissed again. The kissing and touching and everything had been as before, only more intense. There was so much need and desperation, between that and the kissing, it was hard to catch a breath. When he finally slid inside her, and he sighed in relief, she knew what this was about. Comfort. In pain, he needed to feel good, if only for a moment. Having caused his pain, this was something she could do. She could provide him this respite, and that's exactly what she did.

After. After the frenzy was over and the desire quenched, they lay in each other's arms. Vivian waited until his breathing evened out, and then waited some more until she was sure he was asleep then carefully slipped out of his embrace. Taking the throw at the end of the bed, she wrapped it around herself while she looked around the dark room for her clothes that had been tossed, only science knew where. When she spotted one of her articles of clothing, she started to stand, but a hand caught the back of her blanket.

"Where are you going?"

Turning, she scooted back over to him. "I was looking for my clothes."

"Why?"

"Ben. I know what this was," she smiled but was a sad smile. "It...I just wanted to save us the awkwardness of you wanting me to go and having to ask. Plus, Jules has been climbing into bed with me in the middle of the night. If I'm not there, she'll freak."

His blank face revealed nothing, as he looked at her.

She sighed. "I don't want to you feel you have to pretend this was more than what it was."

"What was it?"

"Comfort. You were in pain and needed a reprieve. I could provide that. I was happy to do it. So, please, don't feel obligated," she took his hand and gave it a squeeze, "OK?"

Taking a deep, slow breath and exhaling, he disagreed, "No. It's not OK."

Vivian confused, furrowed her brow.

"We, have the worst timing ever. Everything we've done has been in the wrong order or just...wrong. And yet, here we are. Still." Ben sat up and leaned towards her, "Vivian, I never stopped loving you. Obviously, we've changed since then, and we'd have to sort through a lot of bullshit. But what just happened between us..." He ran his hand down his face, before he reached it over to cup the side of Vivian's, and she let him. "I want us," he said. "I want to try us. Can we do that?"

Vivian was at a loss. She would never have thought he'd ever forgive her for what she'd done, and here he was, asking to be with her. "You don't hate me?"

"No." He looked at her in pained disbelief, his thumb brushing her cheek as he shook his head.

"Shouldn't you, though?"

"I see it, Viv. I see it every day I'm here. I can see when you think about it. The pain washes over your face. I know you hate yourself for your actions, but...you did the best you could in a bad situation. I don't know if I would have made different choices in your shoes. I don't blame you. I certainly don't hate you."

"You forgive me?" Big, fat tears fell down her cheeks.

The hand cupping her face, pulled her to him until their foreheads touched. "Yes." He whispered. "Yes. Of course I do."