Crushed

I don't know what to do.

I can't stop feeling the sadness...can't stop the tears rolling down. I was unable to tell my friends what was wrong. To hell to my own knowledge of what happened to me.

'From a Cheeky Monkey to a Lone Wolf'

I knew not of why, but the need always arose. I had to shed tears. Uncontrolled.

The last thing I wanted was Fräsher to see my crying. He had. Multiple times. And I feel awful everytime I see him, staring at me, feeling helpless.

It's not only him. It's all of my buddies. As much as I hate hurting them...I end up royally ruining all their individual moods. It breaks a piece of me everytime. But again. It was inevitable.

I wanted to distance myself from my friends, just as I did my family.
I knew it was an impossible feat but something inside me always urged to try. And trying...means saying hateful things so as to seem a bad person by heart. To make it seem as all that I was but a mirage.

I saw the tears in Shreya's eyes. She doesn't seem to leave me alone. She knows me well, I see that now. Rachel can't control herself either.
This was their condition. The condition of the strong ones.

I felt sorry. I felt like pushing myself away so bad. Obviously, that isn't possible.

I smile to myself and change back. Hoping that perhaps, I'll be able to be confident enough to accept me.

I laugh.

"Teen problems", I say.