Colors

Yellow

Yellow. The color of your stupid car. Your stupid beat up truck on its last leg. And yet you loved it. Yellow... your favorite color... the color I've now grown to hate.
Damn the color yellow. Who even came up with it? Why the hell do we need it, it's just a useless color. And yet- it was your favorite color too. I've spent every night that I've know you cursing the universe. I bet they thought it was a funny game.  Well I'll show the universe! Tomorrow I'm going to walk up to you and tell you that I hate you for loving yellow.
I marched right up to your locker staring at your obnoxious yellow star you painted on
the front of it. I waited. I waited until the vary last second as the bell rang. Walking to class I wondered were your bright smile was, the smile I loved. All throughout class you consumed my thoughts. I tried to focus but I couldn't. Without your presence I felt lost. As much as I hate yellow I found myself longing to see your yellow backpack and yellow hair. After each class I would stand by your locker waiting for you to suddenly appear in a ball of yellow light. Other kids would walk by whispering, wondering what I was doing standing here after each class. This only made me stand straighter, even more determined to tell you. I wouldn't give up not when you were so close. The day ended and you still hadn't shown. I was confused. You never missed a day of school, much to my displeasure. Your yellow head would always fill my vision and as much as I hated the color yellow, I could never look away.
Deep down I knew you wouldn't come but I had to keep believing that you would. Even when a teacher told me what you did I couldn't believe him. You were the color yellow after all. This color existed everywhere. When I was told what you did, it seemed as if all the color faded. I stood there just staring at your yellow star the only color left. That damned yellow. I stared at it. Than the anger boiled over and tumbled out. Screaming, I screamed and screamed and screamed until my voice grew hoarse. Sliding to the ground I cried as the tears flowed like waterfalls down my checks. How could you?
Why did it have to be yellow? Why did you have to be yellow? Why did you have to be my sun, my everything? Why did you take away my sun? Why?
Days passed and I couldn't bear to look at your yellow. Yellow has lost all of its meaning. Your mom came and visited one day. The normal cheerful yellow that surrounded her had turn flaxen and dull. She asked if I could speak at your funeral and of course I said yes. Sitting down to write your eulogy I picked up a pen and hovered over the sheet of paper. In that moment I didn't know what to write. Sitting in silence I wracked my brain on how to truly capture who you were as a person and how much you truly meant to me. But you are someone that I can't put on paper. You meant too much to everyone you knew. Sighing I stood and left this for another time.
Your family said we should wear yellow to your funeral, because it was your favorite color. But I couldn't. Walking in my eyes landed on the beautiful sunflowers. Feeling sick I quickly averted my eyes wondering how they could use something so full of life when you aren't? The service started and I numbly listened to them taking about you and how it was a tragedy that you left before your time. Than it was my turn to talk about how we were great friends. I felt everyone's eyes boring into me as I stood in front of them. Preparing myself I finally began.
"I loved her. And she loved me. We were perfect for each other and I loved her in every way but the thing I loved most about her was her color. Yellow. I adored it and it filled my life. Her color meant joy and happiness. And it fit her perfectly because she carried her joy on her sleeve."
Pausing I took a steady breathe before continuing, letting the quietness of the service wash off my anxious nerves.
"I remember the first time we met. I was driving home from school and I saw the most peculiar thing so I pulled over next to an old beat up mustard truck. And there she was, standing in a vibrant field of sunflowers; dancing and leaping. All I could see of her in that moment was her blonde head weaving in and out of the vibrant green stalks. And the moment she saw me she gave the biggest grin. And everything around me became brighter and more vibrant, and in that moment I understood the phrase 'love at first sight', because it was."
I suddenly noticed wet stains on the piece of paper and became aware of the hot tears rolling down my checks. Wiping them away I carried on. Because you deserve the best.
"From that day on she was glued to my side. She shared everything with me. Her favorite animal was a yellow canary and she had a voice to match it. She loved sitting on warm golden sand and watching the brilliant sun light the sky on fire. She shared that with me and only me. But some days I would watch and wonder why her honey smile didn't reach her eyes. I would ask her why and she would tell me that I gave her purpose in life. She was my purpose in life. She still is. What she did is extremely painful to all around her but she lost her sunshine. It dulled and faded and without it she wasn't herself, but ignoring what she did and pushing it aside won't bring her back."
Nearing the end, I felt the hot tears boil up just thinking about what you did. Taking one last breath I continued on to the end.
"I hated the color yellow. But than I met her and she became my sunshine and my yellow. She will forever remind me of that color and I wish I could tell her that in person. I wish I could tell her one more time how much I love her... I love you Eliana... I love you so much and I hope that even now you know that."
Crumpling up the speech, I quickly left the quite room before the tears would escape. Rushing to the bathroom and quickly locking the door. Letting the wave of heartache wash over my already broken heart. Sliding down the wall and collapsing onto the floor, closing my eyes I let the tears fall. Phantom arms comforted me as I felt your warm honey love surround me... but your not here anymore. My sun has died and left me in this cold world without her light.