When It Rained

Chapter 22 - Blood on Her Hands

"I don't know what else to teach them." Finley laid her head against the bar and covered it with her arms. "The convention is this weekend and I still feel like they aren't ready."

"They are Finley." Jackson reassured her while wiping clean the glass in his hand. "You've been at it for what, three months? You're not a miracle worker kid, but you've sure as hell made a difference."

"But what if it isn't enough?" She sat up again grabbing ahold of the bottle before her. It was a long swig, but with a swallow the woman shook her head again. "If something happens to either one of them, it's my fault Jack."

At this point, he had enough.  "How could that possibly be your fault?!"

"I trained them,  whatever instinct they have out there is because of me."

"And you know that you're the best fit to teach them!"

"I've never been in battle."

"No Finn." He leaned forward towards her. "You've never been overseas."

It was irritating, the entire conversation. So, rolling her eyes, Finn ran a hand through her hair. "What do you even mean?"

"You've seen more, done more than half of those soldiers overseas.  In the short life you've had, I can guarantee that whatever fight their fighting over there doesn't compare to the shit you've had to fight over here. You know how to survive kid, and thanks to you Steve and Bucky do now too."

It didn't matter to her. They could die by explosions, a sniper, a bomber, a raid, anything could happen to her boys and their blood would be on her hands.

"I just dont know if I'm enough."

"Don't start doubting yourself now kid, they depend on you too much." Suddenly the door to the bar opened, she knew immediately that it was them. "And don't forget who you depended on either."

Without another word, Jack was waltzing around the side of the bar sending the two boys a smile and a nod. 

All Finley could do was finish her drink and push the empty bottle forward. Then, reaching for the other one that Jack had set out for her, the woman found herself disappointed as Steve swiped it from her grasp. 

"I think that's enough for today." 

If looks could kill, Steve would be dead ten times over. She didn't need words to show her emotion. The pain had spread deep within her bones, and the beer was doing a decent job at dulling it. 

"Of what? The attitude?" she hinted towards him. 

Chuckling, Steve dropped the bottle into the garbage can. "Funny. Now what's the plan for today?" 

With a sigh, the woman slapped her hands against the bar and rose to her feet. "Well, I was planning taking you boys for a nice run." opening the door to the bar though, her lungs burned at the cool air. "But I think that I have a better idea." 

Both Bucky and Steve looked to one another, but all she could do was smile.

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Her smile couldn't be any wider. "What are you guys waiting for?" 

They both had their arms crossed, bodies shivering and teeth chattering. "Is there really a point to this?!" Steve was the first to speak out, voice cracking in a panic. 

"You gotta learn to control your heart rate. You're gonna find yourself in a lot of situations where you need to calm yourself down. Now unless you want my to put a gun to your head and play a fun little game of Russian roulette, I suggest you jump in." Finley nodded towards the river.