When It Rained

Chapter 51 - Making Their Girl Proud

All he could stare at was his hand. 

Bucky gripped his wrist tight enough to cause himself pain, pain was the only thing that he could feel. Ever since Finley slipped out of his grasp, Bucky had been silent. Steve tried talking to him, telling him it wasn't his fault- but nothing would work. 

He let her go, Bucky let her fall. 

Staring blankly, the tears dripped from his eyes before he even blinked. 

People paced back and forth in front of him unloading the crates that they took from the now stopped train. A search team had gone out, Bucky and Steve wanted to be a part of it- but Peggy wouldn't let them. She had deployed them as soon as they received transmission of her fall. In the end though, the search came up short. 

"Anything?" Steve asked beside Bucky with a raised eyebrow. 

Peggy let out a breath, shook her head, and swallowed down the emotion. "No, I'm sorry. Stark is doing a round now with the jet, but we've gotten reports of a blizzard moving in. If we send out anymore troops- there's no guarantee how many we would get back." 

"Then I'll go." Bucky's voice cracked. He still refused to look at anyone. The last eye contact he made was with her, and that's how he wanted it to be. 

For a moment, he found himself in the same position as Finley had always been. Unable to make eye contact. 

"I can't let you do that." Peggy shook her head. 

Without any more acknowledgment from Bucky, the man picked up his jacket and stepped right past her. "You can't stop me."

For a few steps the man was moving strongly towards the exit. Steve however, was the one to grab his shoulder. Once facing Steve, Bucky looked past him and over the man's shoulder. This spoke levels to Steve, Bucky never ignored him. "Look at me Bucky."

The reality of the situation was in both of their minds. A fall like this, nobody could survive it. Not even Finley.

Their girl was gone.

She wasn't coming back, and Bucky knew it too. The man was in denial.

So, when their eyes finally locked- Steve swallowed hard watching his friend's face contort in tragedy. The tears flowed, bucky's legs caved, and Steve pulled him against his chest as tight as he could.

"It wasn't your fault." Steve tried reassuring him. "It wasn't your fault."

Soldiers passed by, each with their own personal missions. Each one that did though sent the two a look. Not a look nearly as dedicated as Peggy Carter's though. Her heart broke watching Bucky try to hold back the tears.

Steve was crying too, but not for the same reason as her. He could have saved Finley, he should have pushed Bucky out a little more. He could have taken that man out before he had the chance to take on Finn.

Now the two Brooklyn boys were left broken on the hanger room floor.

There was no getting her back. She was gone, they let her die. It was all their fault, and there was no going back.

---------------------------------------------------------

The funeral was small.

There was Howard, Peggy, Jack, Bucky, and Steve. That was all she needed though. That was all that she wanted.

Her headstone rested beside Henry's. It was a serene area, one that Jack showed them. It was her special place, somewhere she hadn't taken either of them before. It was just for her, it was just for them.

Each person was dressed up to a Tee. There was as much formality for them as if it were the United States President. She was just that important.

A soft breeze pushed through Bucky's hair, and his eyes never left the cross. Beneath his arms though, his hands worked together roughly rubbing against the last spot they had touched. His fingertips had already begun wearing down from his constant rubbing. Inside, he wanted it to scar. He never wanted to forget what had happened that day.

Howard was the first to leave with Peggy at his side. They said their cobdolences, what they needed to, now it was time to give the final three their privacy.

Jack had been strong through the entire thing, not shedding one tear before her grave. He knew everything that happened out there, Bucky didn't hold back the detail. The old man deserved to know, he deserved to know what happened to his little girl.

Because of this, steve left the two alone to deal with his own greif. 

Together, neither moved staring at her headstone.

There was silence, the cloudy day giving them shelter from the normally burning Brooklyn sun.

"She loved you." His voice cracked.

Bucky closed his eyes sucking down the tears.

"I don't know if she ever told you but-"

"She did." Bucky answered.

This gave the conversation a new vibe. It was happier, more upbeat. "Well, I'm glad she did." Then, his hand was on Bucky's shoulder. "I never saw the girl smile as much as I did when you came around." His chest became heavier. "Thank you." Bucky shook his head. "For giving her-"

"What could I have possibly given her Jack?!" Bucky snapped a little harsher than he would have liked. The old man held his ground though,  he never broke eye contact even as the rain began to pour. "I was the one that let her fall, I wasn't fast enough, I had her at my finger tips and I let her go!" By now his voice had shattered and he was letting the tears flow again. "She gave me everything I ever asked for. So what could I have possibly gave her?"

Jack swallowed, hands extending to Bucky's shoulders in a fatherly manner. Then, softening his facial expression, Jack smiled. "You gave her something nobody else ever could my boy. " Everything stopped where it was. "You gave her a purpose."

That was all that Jack had to say. So, with a pat on the back, he began hobbling his way back down to the car where Howard and Peggy were waiting for him. Steve saw this exchange, and shook hands with Jack as they passed by one another.

The rain reminded him of her. That's why everytime it fell; the smell, the sight, the feeling- it just made him think of her.

Eventually, Steve was back at Bucky's side. The two watched Jack climb into the car as Howard shielded him from the rain.

Jack was right, even if Bucky didn't want to admit it- Finley went out with a purpose.

It was for them, it was always for them. "I loved her Steve." He whispered through the pouring rain.

Steve studied him, the way he watched the car pull off and away from the scene behind them. "I know." This wasn't over, Finley died for a reason. "So what are we going to do about it?"

The girl knew what her boys were capable of, the things they could do for their country. So she took it upon herself to get them to where they needed to be to make a difference- and that's just what she did until her very last breath. She fought for something- so that meant Bucky was going to too. "We finish what we started." He looked to his friend with a clenched jawline.

Steve nodded in complete understanding of his best friend.

Hydra was going to know their name, they were going to know her name. They would fall, and it would be by their hands because all of her hardwork; all of her dedication, blood, sweat, and their tears- it was for this moment right here. This was where her boys were going to step up. "We make her proud." Bucky bit his lip and looked back to Finley's headstone. "We make her fucking proud."