Paper Hearts

13

Do you know what it feels like to feel yourself- your heartbeat, the weight of your clothes on your skin, the brush of your hair on your forehead- and keel over as bile crawls up your throat? Do you know what it feels like when you're repulsed by the idea of existing in your own skin because "Anyone else but me" would be better? Do you know what it feels like when you are your own bane, your own weakness? And do you know how it feels when you are reminded of your weakness at a diurnal rate?

Jeon Jungkook knew. Even as he stood in front of his parents, the only people whom a person can unconditionally find home in, he stares down at his brown Timberlands and wonders what "love" is. He's read books, watched movies and heard people talk- love is a feeling...of being. Of unconstrained existence. A feeling like home.

Yet when he mentally does a do-over on the people he knows, he doesn't find in himself the feeling of belonging. Maybe he hasn't opened up to anyone, or maybe no one has made him feel comfortable enough to do it. He wondered, does everyone have someone they find home in? And if they do, why doesn't he?

The thought himself scares him to the core as he is reminded of his failure as a person. Words ring in his ears, but not the ones his father spits in his face at the moment.

"People like you disgust me."

"I hate you."

"You're nothing but a rich brat and a bully. And now, you're just pathetic."

A sharp sting on his face brings him back to the present, eliminating the white noise he had tuned in his head. Jungkook's mother stood by her husband, pulling him back. "Please, stop. He's just a boy."

"Stay out of this," Jungkook's father said in a low voice, not bothering to look at her. "I'll deal with him."

"Are you seriously going to pretend that this is because I slept in and missed one weekend session?" Jungkook said, referring to the meetings he normally attended for two whole hours on Saturdays at his father's company building, learning how the business works and how he's going to take up the responsibilities of the CEO, if he's capable.

"This isn't because you slept in!" His father's voice, no matter how loud, didn't affect him at all. At least not his ears, the way it did his heart. "This is because of your attitude towards everyth-"

"I should've said it correctly," Jungkook cut in. "Are you seriously going to pretend that this isn't because I told you I'm gay?"

The silence is deafening, and not a heartbeat later, his cheek is red with another loud slap. "Don't say that!" Jungkook's father is cool about World Hunger and terrorism(these things happen, boy, he has said more than once), but the very idea of homosexuality makes him react like someone told him his son worships Satan and kills infants to serve as offerings. "I will not have my son say filthy things like that! Grow up and stop this- this absurdity!" His voice is laced with venom that poisons Jungkook's subsistence by the second.

A laugh leaves the young boy's mouth as he looks down at his shoes again. He had gone through this a million times over but now, in front of his father, it's like a badly rehearsed script that he has no memory of and the words tumble freely and raw, spoken like a true teenager with hardly any knowledge of the world but no fear of the consequences(which is quite untrue as he knows he's afraid, now more than ever, but it doesn't mean his father has to). As he speaks, he looks into the one man's eyes who should've held refuge, but they're nothing if not cold dungeons. "Well, guess what? I am. Gay. I kiss boys and that's how it is for me. And if it concerns you more than your lack of parental skills, then you need some serious counselling."

•   •   •

Yugyeom stood in front of the convenience store nearest to his house and waited for Mark, whistling a melody he'd heard on TV. His eyes scanned the pavement across the street, landing on a mop of pink hair.

Jungkook's words echoed clear in his ears but he found himself walking towards the tiny person with long strides. "Park Jimin," he said with a smile that happened to look like a grimace.

"What the fuck do you want?" Jimin looked up from his phone and scowled.

"Let's get ramyun."

Jimin's protests were drowned out by Yugyeom's voice as he got a single serving of ramen noodles and started talking about what colour he wanted to dye his hair.

"What the-YAH, DO YOU WANNA DIE?" Jimin screamed loudly when Yugyeom put his hand over his shoulder and pulled him close, but that hardly did anything to increase the distance between the two.

"Shut up and eat this," Yugyeom said as he shoved in a mouthful of carefully cooled noodles into Jimin's face. The other grumbled but chewed down the food.

"Why the hell are you fucking around?" The pink haired boy said in annoyance. "Is annoying me to death on your list of shit to do today?"

"No." Yugyeom deadpanned, feasting on the noodles.

"Wow, that helps a lot." Jimin scowled and looked down at his phone again, hoping Taehyung would show up soon and save his ass.

"I just wanted to eat with you."

Jimin looked up, surprised. "What?"

Yugyeom looked at him and rolled his eyes before repeating himself. " I said I wanted to eat with you. You're a fun person."

"Wait- hold up," Jimin scrambled. "Did you just say I was fun? Wait, am I being pranked? Where the cameras at?" He looked around frantically, searching for any people looking at them suspiciously or holding cameras.

Yugyeom chuckled and cleared his throat, putting on his regular bitch face when he realised he was showing any pleasant emotion. "You are. A fun person, I mean. I like you."

Jimin just looked at him, mostly at a loss of words. Before he could actually say something, Yugyeom was already walking towards Mark, waving lightly in his direction.

•   •   •

Author's note:
Thank you for 100 votes⭐️
RMxFallOutBoy happened. And I just-