Paper Hearts

14

"We need to talk."

Taehyung stood silent for a few moments before he replied. "Go on."

"It's not very late, is it?" Baekhyun said. "You think you can meet me in the café near your place?"

"What, Urban Village?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Cool," Taehyung said, nodding his head dumbly.

"Aight," Baekhyun said. "See you in 20."

The walk to the café was quite short. Taehyung hadn't even taken the time to change into better clothes, not that he needed to. Jimin had once suggested that Baekhyun would be an ideal person to date, and Taehyung had considered it for a moment before grimacing and saying, "That would be like incest."

As he sat at on of the seats in the corner of the dim lit café, waiting for Baekhyun, Taehyung took the time to admire the view outside the glass wall. The weather was already making way for the harsh winter Seoul experienced every year and the buildings rising from the ground shimmered unrealistically, momentarily hypnotising him.

"Taehyung," came Baekhyun's voice as he occupied the seat in front of the brown haired boy.

"Hey," Taehyung greeted with a light smile. They ordered drinks for themselves, Taehyung sticking to his eternal love for hot chocolate while Baekhyun got a cup of chamomile tea.

"So?" Taehyung began. "What did you want to talk about?"

"How long have we been friends?"

Taehyung frowned. "What?"

"How long have we been friends?" Baekhyun repeated.

"About three years."

"And I've liked you for two years now, and that's more than half the span of our friendship," Baekhyun said, looking down at his tea.

"Yeah, a- wait, what?"

Baekhyun looked everywhere but at Taehyung, biting his lip awkwardly. "Baekhyun," Taehyung said. "You know I'm not good with riddles unless they're for a quiz or something, so you might want to be clearer."

Baekhyun looked up, mildly surprised at the reaction. He had expected Taehyung to be shy, maybe in denial- anything but what he was now. "I...look," he began. "This is literally the first time I've done this so I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I'm saying that I like you. And I don't say, 'Yeah I like you too because you're my friend' because no I like you as in I wanna kiss you and shit."

Taehyung was silent for a few moments. He spoke again, and his voice was strong, unpatronising. "We've been friends for a long time so I'm going to be honest with you." Baekhyun knew this was coming, just didn't know in what form. Now that it was here, he wanted to shoot himself in the face. "I have never done this. The whole concept of love and romantic relationships were lost on me. I don't feel the same, Baekhyun, and you'd be wasting your time if you dragged this thing on from here."

"Were," Baekhyun said.

"What?" Taehyung asked, confused.

"You said the concept of love and relationships were lost on you," the boy said, fidgeting with his cup. "What changed?"

Taehyung stuttered. "I-I don't..." he trailed off. "Wait, what?"

"I'm asking what changed, you know," Baekhyun said, already answering his questions mentally, awaiting a confirmation to his thoughts. "You basically rejected me on the basis that you don't do relationships, but if that was the reason, you'd hesitate. You obviously wouldn't want to hurt me, it's human nature and I know you well enough. But the way you said it...like you were so sure we would never happen."

Taehyung stared at Baekhyun, eyes swimming with confusion. Baekhyun continued. "How long have you liked him? I mean, it's shocking, yeah, I didn't think he was your type, but opposites attract, I guess."

Taehyung scowled. "I have no idea what you're saying but it sounds like a pile of bull to me."

"You don't need to lie to-" Baekhyun stopped mid sentence. "Wait, you still...don't know? Is that it?"

"Can you stop talking to yourself now?" Taehyung said, his voice laced with annoyance. "It's giving me a concussion."

"You like him just as much as he likes you and- I knew it. I knew you were the type who'd be in denial."

"Like who?"

Baekhyun looked at him incredulously. "Jeon Jungkook. Who else?"

Taehyung stared at Baekhyun for a whole minute. "Do you need to visit a mental hospital, because if you're not mentally weak then you need to stop acting like it."

"Really?" Baekhyun chuckled. "You're gonna reject me, confirm my doubts and then call me mental? You don't get to do that. If you're just gonna sit here and pretend you don't look at that poor bastard when he's not looking at you, or wait for him in the cafeteria then you're more deluded than half the teenage population of our school who think Jungkook is actually a good guy."

The silence is deafening. Taehyung sits, motionless. Baekhyun looks at him expectantly, before realising that it was probably useless because the younger was malfunctioning in some way or the other. "I'm just saying...don't go lying to yourself. That's the worst you can do."

Taehyung snapped out of his thoughts before shooting out of his seat. "Shut the fuck up," he said, making Baekhyun choke on air. The fact that he had used cuss words was enough to scare the living daylights out of the other. "I know this is probably all my fault because I gave you space in my life, but if you can't accept rejection without imposing your inaccurate and unwanted opinions on me, I suggest you back the fuck up because I'm not as nice as I look."

Watching Taehyung walk away wasn't what Baekhyun had expected it would be. He was sure it would either hurt him, or make him impatient about meeting the younger the next day, but it was none of those things. Instead, as Taehyung walked away, Baekhyun slumped back into his seat relieved, because the scariest thing in the world was when nice people who never use cuss words and puked sunlight looked at you like they wanted to bite your head off.

•    •    •

Author's note:

It took me a hella long time to update because I was kinda stuck in between the tests and stuff. I really don't want to talk on this particular subject- I'm sure you guys heard about Jonghyun(may he rest in peace) and even though I don't stan Shinee, I was devastated. Suicide isn't the way out, it's never the way out no matter how hard things are. I've been through that phase and I've come to understand that there are people who are willing to help, if you're brave enough to ask for it- but it the end it all depends on you. As much as I sympathise with Jonghyun's death, I need people to stop romanticising suicides- it's not okay to kill yourself and if you feel like you should, go talk to someone PLEASE. Because of this, people think there's something "beautiful" about killing/hurting yourself, well it's fucking not- get your shit together. It's heartbreaking and absolutely awful. Suicide isn't beautiful. Take help, be brave and believe in yourself- And stop hurting yourself. I believe others do a good job at that so you might wanna be the one to care about yourself because life is ugly and you need to love yourself first.
Remember, Love Yourself. Listen to BTS. Bye bye💜