Through Heaven and Hell

 I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I try to remember what happened after that. Or before. Anything. I just don't like reliving the same moment over and over.

Suddenly, the door opens.

"Darling—"

And I'm thrown into another memory.

"Darling, I don't think we should do this," Lucifer hums, but he smiles against my lips.

"Oh but isn't that what makes it so exciting?" I reply, biting his bottom lip slightly. We're not in the red room. Rather, this room is white.

"Mmm such a devilish angel," he murmurs. I don't know why I know, but I know we're not in Hell. This is Heaven.

"Oh I can be very naughty," I respond, making him chuckle against my lips. I start to push off his clothes, and as I do, I'm thrown straight into another memory.

A bright light. God.

"Father, you can't do this to me." Lucifer. "Don't send me to Hell," he says defiantly.

"Please—" I start, but I'm thrown out of this memory.

I can't breathe, blood gushes from my neck. I'm gripping a blade in my hand. I collapse and fall straight through the floor into Hell.

I relive my suicide over and over. Every single time, it somehow hurts more. I want to get out. But the blade returns to my hand, and my hand comes up to cut through my throat.

And then suddenly, a hand takes the blade from me, throwing it aside.

"Lucifer?" I ask in disbelief. My mind had been so stuck in my Hell that I could barely remember him.

"Yes, darling, it's me," he says, sweeping my off my feet and picking me up like I'm a child.

"Lucifer," I repeat dumbly.

"We can be together," he says.

I'm brought back into the present with a gasp.

"Are you alright, darling?" Lucifer asks, beside me now.

"I remember."

"What do you remember? Do you remember what happened after?"

"No. I remember what I did to be with you," I respond, touching my neck as if to make sure there's no blood.

"You died for me," he replies, and I nod.

"I did."

"I would die for you, too," he says, as if that'll make up for the fact that he slept with someone else.

"I need to remember what else happened."

This quick rush of memories has made me forget that I didn't want to talk to him.

"Kiss me," I demand, leaning in and pressing my lips to his. He doesn't pull away this time.

I'm not thrown into a memory. I kiss him harder, pulling myself up onto him. He moves his hands to my hips, pulling me into him. I wrap my legs around his waist, and I feel the shock again.

It's like my life is playing fast-forward. We're together. The red room. A lot of sex. A whole fucking lot. And then the day. The woman.

The vision slows. I'm screaming at him, and my wings unfurl. I propel myself up, but before I do, I see something—the woman transforms into something terrifying. By Lucifer's reaction, he didn't know. She looks like a demon, only worse. She roars before leaping up. I feel her grab my leg, but instead of pushing me down, she throws me off course to the side. Somehow, I'm thrown into the mortal world, my wings gone and memory erased. And my mother. She comes up to me.

"Hi there, are you alright?"

I'm jerked back into the current time. She's not my real mother. And that woman...was not a woman. She was something even worse than a demon.

"You remember," Lucifer says.

"Yes," I reply. My past. I understand it. It was longer than I'd thought. I've known Lucifer for practically forever. We weren't supposed to be together. But we didn't care. We went against the rules, like Romeo and Juliet. Only in this case, only I died. But we still both went to Hell. At least that much is the same.

"That woman was...Father put her in my path on purpose. I couldn't control myself."

"How can I trust you when that made all this happen?"

"I would never willingly betray you," he says, looking into my eyes. "You know I don't lie."

I hate that he's so...ironically, good.

"I know," I whisper, searching his face. He's so beautiful. And we have such a deep past.

"Forgive me," he murmurs, his eyes falling to my lips.

"Lucifer—"

"Please." He leans in slightly, and my breathing becomes shallow. I can feel his warm breath on my lips. I want to kiss him. I want to press my lips to his and breathe him in.

"I..." I close my eyes.

"We were meant to be together, my love," he whispers.

"He doesn't want us together," I reply, barely audibly.

"But that didn't stop us then," he responds, his lips brushing mine. It's like he's waiting for me to close the gap between us.

"It didn't," I breathe. What's stopping us? We can be together for the rest of our lives. We can be happy.

"Darling?" he asks.

I can feel myself literally trembling. "Mmm?"

"I love you."

He's said it to me before. Before this life. But it still feels like the first time all over again. Remembering everything, knowing what we've been through...somehow, it's made me start to fall for him all over again.

I finally reply after what feels like forever, "I love you, too."

A/N

this might be my favorite chapter so far