his shield

019

i have 4 months on my wrist. i have 4 months left of this 'life'. if i can even call it a life, i mean i'm already dead.

i wonder where i'll go when i die again. if i'll be able to see hani again, if i'll be able to see taekwoon again.

though it would be awkward if two people whom i loved both met up in the same room.

hopefully hani has moved on by now, well and truly.

maybe taekwoon has as well.

i just hope that i won't be alone in death. i don't want to leave a place where i know so many and go somewhere that i don't know anyone.

i have plenty of time to worry about that, now i should utilise my final moments well.

i open my bedroom door and go to head to see jaehwan but i am stopped by hongbin.

"you can't go" he says firmly. the heartbreak is more then obvious in his expression.

"you can't stop me" i go to push past him but he grabs my arm and starts to speak, buying time.

"taeyong is crying. in his room."

"because of me?" i shake off his grip and he just shrugs.

i sigh and stalk down the corridor, towards taeyong's room. i'm not one to comfort others but i may as well see what's going on.

i can hear soft cries from the other side of the door. i knock softly and call out his name.

the cries come to a halt and i hear him blowing his nose.

"come in" his voice wavers.

i open the door and close it gently behind me. i take the few steps to get to his bed and sit beside him.

"what's up?" i ask him and he just shakes his head and covers his eyes with his hands.

"jaehyun is dating someone else" he speaks under his breath.

"isn't that a good thing? didn't you want him to move on?" i feel confused by the emotion which the younger is feeling.

hani never moved on but i went to sleep every night praying she would.

"i am glad that he isn't spending his nights alone but...i don't know why i'm so upset. it's stupid."

"it's not stupid" i pat his back gently, a weak attempt at comfort. "something else must be going on if your getting this upset."

"maybe it's the factor that my person, yuta, is who jaehyun is dating. maybe that's what is making it hurt so much more." he lowers his hands and looks at me.

"don't ignore what i say taeyong, is something else happening to make you this emotional?"

"your going to die. that's probably it" he avoids eye contact as he speaks. "we haven't known each other that long yet you were the first person who cared for me when i got here. you took me under your wing, told me your life story so i wouldn't feel like shit about the whole situation. you were the one who allowed me to see my boyfriend one last time so i wouldn't kill myself with guilt. what am i meant to do without you wondering around, ready to help when i need you? what am i going to do when your gone?"

i look at my feet and gulp. i didn't know that he cared so much for what i did.

i didn't think anyone did.

"i've still got just under 4 months. that's a long time you know."

"yet at the end of these next 4 months you will be dead. properly this time."

i wrap an arm around his shoulder and continue to look at my feet as i speak.

"you'll have hongbin. he is a great guy. the thing that you both have in common is that i trained you both and i also took you both under my wing when you arrived. who knows, maybe you'll bond over your grief and you'll become really close. all i can leave you with is him and my wisdom. i wouldn't take much of my advice though, i haven't been the greatest shield recently."

he chuckles softly and i look him in the eye and smile.

"please don't cry because of me. you should be happy, your loving boyfriend is happy again and he isn't alone anymore. i'm still here and i will be for a while yet so please don't cry anymore."

"thank you wonshik. for everything." he doesn't give me a chance to say anything else before wrapping his arms around me.

i just hold onto the younger as he sheds his last tears for the next four months.

"i have to go see jaehwan. do you want me to take you to hongbin?" i ask as i pull away.

"i can find him myself. have fun with him" he smiles weakly as i get off the bed.

i wave, lazily at him just as i leave his room once more and head to jaehwan's house.

A/N - what do you think of what taeyong had to say for himself? about his emotions?

thanks for reading!!