A Collection of Randomness

Falling

So, quite a few holidays have come and gone lately. 

Unlike before, none of them really excited me. 

Like my birthday. 

It was yesterday. 

It honestly seemed like just another day. 

The only thing different about it was the fact that my friends were there.

Honestly, they were the only reasons my birthday was special.

Them and my parents. 

Otherwise..

I don't think I would've cared. 

Different sources say this is a sign of depression. 

I've never thought I had depression because my story has never seemed remotely like others who have experienced it.

My life hasn't seemed nearly as horrid or extreme as theirs.

But... 

I don't know anymore. 

I just feel lost. 

Maybe I do have depression.

I've already got PTSD. 

But I know self diagnosis is not a good thing. 

I just need some way to know how messed up my mind is.

I need someone to tell me I'm okay.

That I'm not completely broken.

I just need to know.

I just want to feel slightly normal.

I hate this feeling so much. 

It's like I'm free falling.

Just looking for something.

For a foothold. 

For a place to stop.

Hoping I'll be able to catch myself before I hit rock bottom. 

But I think it's already too late.