A Collection of Randomness

Love Life

So, I found out this guy liked me.

In fact, he asked me out today and yesterday.

At first, I was excited but very indecisive.

To have someone like me not because of what I look like, just from what they hear me say.

But then I started thinking. 

We haven't even known each other that long.

Do I really want to get myself into something this over my head?

And I realized that maybe I didn't like, like him. 

Honestly, he's great. 

Funny, nice, a HUGE flirt. 

But I'm not sure that's the guy I want to be with.

And if I'm not sure, I'm not going to get his hopes up.

Because I know, when I meet the right person for me I'll know it. 

And I know it's delusional to think you'll get married to the first person you fall in love with and stay happy throughout your life.

I don't believe that happens often, if at all.

Plus, from what I know about him,

he's not the guy I need in my life in that way right now. 

I need someone who can support me through what I'm going through.

Someone who isn't trying to overcome their own demons as well.

 Because I know we would be each other's downfall. 

And right now,

I'm not mentally stable enough to support another person in this way.

Hell, I can't even support myself

at this point in my life. 

I don't know who I am.

I have no clue what I'm doing.

My mind is a fucking clutter house,

running at 500 mph every second of every day. 

I'm too fragile to have to be there for someone,

when I can't even be there for myself half the time. 

Plus, we're both so young.

Neither of us know what we want.

In life.

In a significant other.

Actually, 

I take that back. 

I know what I'm looking for. 

My only fear is that I'll never find it.