He killed himself

13 5 0
                                    

I was sitting on bed. Tears falling down my face on the sheets. I thought to myself. Was it my fault? Was IT my fault ? WAS IT MY FAULT ?
I couldn't take it anymore. Why did he left so sudden ? Why did he ? Was it my fault ?
Was it because when he asked me to come over and I couldn't ? Was it because I wasn't there for him that specific moment for that dumb reason - I am on tight schedule ?  Was it because I wasn't there ? Was it ?
I should've seen signs. I should've done something. How could I be so blind ?
I thought again. He was suicidal. He was depressed because of all that stress, of all the responsibilities he had to take alone, I didn't help him. I didn't help him overcome this. He was depressed and I disappointed him. I disappointed every person he loved, every person that cared for him. I disappointed EVERYONE.
I thought he was strong and could've taken care of everything by himself. But he couldn't. It was too much for him. He couldn't take it anymore.  As he said "depression took over me, I sinked in it".
I should've helped. I should have. But I didn't. And I lost him. Forever.

We will miss you Jonghyun.

Nuotrupos.Where stories live. Discover now