"Did you ever regret loving her?"
Jho and I have been hanging out a lot lately and her curiosity didn't lessen a bit. Yung mga ganitong tanong nasasanay na ako. Kapag hindi ko naman sinagot kukulitin lang ako.
"Hmmm, there were times, yes. When I was angry and hurt. But at the end of the day, with a clear head, I knew she loved me as well so, whatever we had, it was worth it. The pain after was worth it."
"If-if she didn't love you, would have regretted it?" I almost didn't hear what she said cause she asked it so quietly.
"I- no. I still wouldn't. I believe that loving someone isn't something one should regret. No matter what anyone says, no matter how painful it could be, loving is a privilege for me."I answered with conviction.
"You okay? Is my answer satisfactory? Did I pass?" I asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.
"You answered perfectly." She said and I can't help but be proud of myself for making her smile genuinely.
-----
With perfect love comes perfect trust. I should have known, we weren't perfect after all. Ang deep nemen.
Pxtang inang' It's not you, it's me' na yan. Wala ka lang bayag para amining nambababae ka. Fxck you. Hahaha. OMG ang epic nun and censored. Anyway, she's right naman. Cheating is the worse.
I'm sick of the tear stains on my pillow. I blame you for that. Yup, kaya pala familiar. It's one of my notes. I don't know why pero I felt compelled to read my own writings. Nostalgia perhaps? And the fact that, her memories doesn't hurt me much anymore.
So I started from the left, andun pa yung first note ko.
Why didn't you fight for me? When did you decide I wasn't worth it?
You ended it with a pen and paper. And here I am, continuing us with a...pen and paper. How ironic.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate myself for lying.
I wish I've never known you. I wish I've never fallen in love with you. I could have save myself from this pain.
I can still remember the first time you told me you love me. It keeps replaying in my head.
Are you happy now? Do you still think about me?
Yup,I was a mess back then. I was angry and hurt, the next moment I'm missing her and asking her to come back and other times I'm just defeated. But seeing this now, I don't really regret all of these. I mean, that's what I feel back then and alam ko na I felt so angry and hurt back then because I loved her strongly.
"Tabi nga ang laki laki mong harang dyan, magbabasa din ako." Kilalang kilala ko na ang boses na yun. Tsaka siya lang naman ang mahilig manloko sakin ng ganyan.
"Oo na po Prinsesa ng Uling, tatabi na ako para sa inyong kamahalan." And despite my height nagagawa pa din niya akong batukan ng malakas. Napangiti ko pa rin siya dahil alam niyang sa kanya ko lang naman natutunan ang mga banat na ganyan.
"Nakakaproud ka naman, akalain mong may matututunan ka din sakin. Ano? Anything new and interesting?" Araw-araw naman nadadagdagan ang wall na ito. Naextend na nga hanggang dulo sa dami ng naglalagay. Sabi ni Ate Ly baka daw next month aalisin na niya lahat then ilalagay na lang sa box para makapaglagay ulit ng mga bagong notes ang mga customer.
"I don't know, yung mga notes ko dati ang tinitingnan ko. Feel ko lang maginarte." Napakamot naman ako ng ulo.
"Good idea, i'll read the ones I haven't read yet." Bakit ba masyado akong honest? Ayan ang napapala ko, naisipan pa tuloy din nitong basahin yung mga notes ko, malamang lokohin na naman ako nito.
