Sometimes I imagine that every step that I take brings me closer to you
"Oi anu yan?!" Ay anak ng tipaklong.
"May lahi ka bang kabute? Bakit bigla ka na lang nasulpot?"
"Maganda na din yung nasosorpresa ka paminsan minsan. Surprises make life more exciting."
"Oo na Pilosopong Tasyo. Bakit ka andito?"
"Masama? Gusto ko bakit? Taray nito, ano ba yan? Another note? For your girl?" Dalawang buwan ko ng kilala itong si Jho narealize ko na inborn talaga ang pagka tsismosa nito. Nung isang araw nga nahalungkat na niyan yung biography nung magtitinda ng kwek kwek. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ang bilis magtiwala ng mga tao sa kanya. Di naman katiwatiwala ang mukha.
"Wala, homework ko lang." Siyempre pilit kong tinatakpan yung note ko.
"Asus, natangos ang ilong. Wag ng magsinungaling." sabi na nga ba may lahing witch to. Hindi naman ako nagsisinungaling, naglilihim lang.
"Eh maano naman kung note ko to"
"Yun na nga ano naman kung note yan bakit kailangan mo pang itago."
"Wala lang, gusto ko lang ng privacy."
"Privacy? Eh ilalagay mo nga sa pader kung san mababasa ng maraming tao, paprivaprivacy ka pa dyan."
"Oo na, panalo ka na naman as always"
"Yehey, premyo ko libre mo ulit ako ng burger. Patingin nga" Kainaman talaga ito, hindi na nanawa dun sa angel's burger. Hindi kaya ito sinasaktan ng tyan?
Iniabot ko na rin yung note, mababasa din naman niya. Nag iinarte lang talaga ako.
"Mahal mo pa nga talaga."
"Siguro tama yung sinasabi nilang first love never dies. It's scary."
I confessed.
"Scary? Alin?"
"I'm scared that nobody would measure to her. Pano kung mastuck na yung puso ko sa kanya? Pano kung hindi na matuto yung puso kong magmahal ng iba?" hindi naman siya sumagot agad, which is rare kasi she always have an answer for everything.
"Paano nga?"
"Nyek, bakit mo naman binalik yung tanong sakin? Kaya nga ko nagtatanong kasi di ko alam ang sagot." Kamot ulo kong baling sa kanya.
"Aba hindi ako dictionary ng broken hearted no."
"Ikaw itong laging may say sa lovelife ko."
"ikaw lang naman kasi ang makakasagot nun."
"What do you mean?"
"Would you let yourself be stuck on her? Makukuntento ka na lang bang patuloy na mahalin siya kahit wala na kayo? Handa ka bang magopen ng puso mo sa iba? Ikukumpara mo na lang ba lahat ng babae sa kanya?"
"Wow Jho, yung tanong ko dinagdagan mo pa ng mas madaming tanong. Salamat ha." I said sarcastically pero I get naman what she's saying nasa sa akin talaga kung gugustuhin kong makamove on.
"Oh well mukhang di ka pa handang magmove on kaya you're making up excuses to hold on. Why don't you just get her back kung ayaw mo talaga siyang ilet go?" Aray naman Jho talagang straightforward tong babaeng to.
"Grabe Jho, talagang hard hitting questions? Hindi ba pwedeng what's your favorite movie o motto nalang?" Siyempre iwas sagot ako cause hindi ko pa alam ang isasagot ko.
"Hindi na uso ang pabebe ngayon no. Anyway it's alright kung di mo ko sagutin ang importante masagot mo yun sa sarili mo. So san mo ko ililibre ngayon?" I'm happy wíth the change of topic pero bakit naman yun yung topic na pinili niya.
"Wala naman akong naaalalang may sinabi akong ililibre kita. Uutuin mo pa ako."
"Malay mo naman lumusot. Saglit lang oorder lang ako, gutom na ako." Habang umoorder siya pumunta na ako dun sa wall para idikit yung note ko.
I don't know why that Silver note always catch my eye. Panawag pansin kasi yung amoy. Ang sarap lang amuyin nakakakalma. Para ngang familiar yung scent...
I met someone who lost someone too, maybe two broken pieces are better than one?
She's lucky, her words could be heard or read if only she could be brave enough, but me? I'm stuck talking to a wall. Can you hear me? Do my notes reach you?
I'm glad whoever wrote these notes has someone now, at least hindi na siguro siya ganun malulungkot. The next note what does that mean? Maybe...
"Jho, come here."
"Kakadampi lang ng pwet ko dun sa upuan, tinawag mo na agad ako. Ano pong maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?" Hindi ko pinatulan yung banat niya, I just gestured to the silver note,
"What do you think this means?" I looked at her to gauge her reaction. Poker face lang siya.
"What do you think that means?" I didn't know I was talking to a parrot.
"Jho naman eh nagtatanong ako sayo, itatanong mo ulit sakin?" She just...shrugged.
"I think his/her person is not here na? Like you know, nasa heaven?" Nagbuntong hininga siya.
"I think so too. So?" I look at her strangely.
"So hindi ka ba naaawa? I mean, medyo narealize ko na swerte pala ko, kahit slim chance na magkausap padin kami ni Jana, may chance pa din. Pero siya kahit anong gawin niya never na niyang makakausap yung taong mahal niya."
"Well, ganun talaga ang buhay. C'mon Bei, ngalay nako katatayo, upo na tayo dun." And iniwan na niya ko kaya sumunod na lang ako. She sounded strange. Usually andami niyang words of wisdom, parang ang tipid naman ata ngayon.
"Have you also lost someone Jho?" I'm curious kasi she always seems so lively parang ang gaan ng buhay niya pero ang galing niyang magbigay ng advice.
"Everybody loses someone Beh." Napakabroad naman ng answer niya.
"So you have?" I pressed. She stared at me.
"Yes, I have." Inaantay kong ituloy niya pero pagtingin ko nakain lang siya na parang wala lang.
"And?"
"And? The end. Lost na nga di ba? Wala na. Ako andito, naiwan din."
"Who?" Sabihin ng makulit pero talagang curious ako. She looks like she's contemplating answering. Babawiin ko na lang sana yung tanong ko because she looks uncomfortable pero bigla na siyang nagsalita.
"My bestfriend. He fought hard pero not hard enough. Cancer took him." She was looking down biting with her jaw clenched. She's trying not to cry.
"I'm so sorry Jho." I don't really know what to say so just I took both of her hands to let her kow I'm here, she let me naman.
"Not your fault. And it's been two years so...I'm fine." And she gave me her signature wide smile. Pero of course this time I can see the pain in her eyes.
"It's okay not to be fine once in awhile. You can 'not be fine' when your with me. I'm here." I told her sincerely. This time, she smiled genuinely and squeezed my hand.
"Thank you." A tear fell down her cheek. She quickly let go of my hand and wiped it. "Anyway, napapasarap na ang hawak mo sakin at gutom na ako so..." Of course, she changed the subject and parang lightning naging light na ulit ang mood. Hinayaan ko na lang pero that moment parang I'm beginning to see the part of her behind her sarcasm and jokes. I'm beginning to see her differently.
